Hi. I totally understand what your saying. You can't get yourself sick. You need to think about your health and well being. How far is it from your aunts to your house? I'm in the same boat, but I stay every night at my moms. My husband and son aren't far, but it gets to me a lot too. Can you hire someone, to stay with her some of the time? I have a caregiver come three days a week for eight hours a day. It helps. I go home and I try to get work done there, and I also go out and have fun. My son and I go to lunch every Wednesday. I always look forward to that. When I first took care of my mom over a year ago, I tried to get help and she wouldn't have it. This time, that's tough. That was one of the conditions of her coming home. So even if you start slow, but get out and enjoy your life sometimes, and enjoy your bf. you deserve it.

Thanks for the response. We have a caregiver come on the day my aunt and I both work a long day, because we have to-- it's not within any of our budgets, but I don't have a choice. She won't do anything for herself.
She had her on-weight-bearing status lifted more than a week ago, and won't walk around, except to the toilet. She insists on sponge baths, even though she was told she can take regular showers. I woke her two hours ago, asking if she was ready for breakfast, and she had insisted on going back to sleep, or that I "give her a minute" to get up. She's fricking snoring now, and I can't stop crying. She's not on bedrest, anymore. This shouldn't be happening.
I feel like I try to give myself some breaks and some time, but the second I step back in here, it's as if I nveer left. It sounds horrible, but I wish I could win the lottery and pay someone else to do this. She's so unmotivated and doesn't care about anyone, it seems. This is so hard.

Hi. Glad you have a caregiver come. Too bad it's only for work. I worry about money, and understand how you feel about the lottery. I wish we could pay someone to sleep here sometimes, but on my budget it just seems silly to pay someone to sleep. A friend of ours came to visit Saturday and I volunteered to go get us lunch. It was such a nice break. It was a little ways away, but not bad. When I get a break, I usually go home and clean up around there. I try to make one day a week as a fun day for my son and me. My mom doesn't like to leave the house much either. She'll go from couch or bed to living room. I suggested that we go out to lunch on Saturday and she said well with my stomach acting up, I better not. It's an excuse. She doesn't want to go out. I can get her out for doctor appointments, but had a hard time for blood work last month. I need to take her this week, hopefully tomorrow, and I'm sure she's going to fight going. I understand too about trying to wake them and they go right back to sleep. It's so hard to watch our moms just waste away. People say, we'll be thankful you still have your mom. Well I am, but then again, this isn't my mom. It's nice to have people to talk to that get it. Thankful for this site.

Sorry I didn't answer your previous q. It's about an hour from my apartment to my moms or my aunts (they live 2 miles away from each other). I stay at moms 3-4 nights a week to take care of her cats-- my bf cares for our own cat st our place and keeps things in shape at home. Thankfully, work is between home and mom.

I don't understand the lack of motivation. Part of me wants to offer, "Do you not want to do anything, ever again? Because I need to know what I'm in for." But I know I'd get a bs excuse. What's with the excuses? Your story about your mom declining an outing sounds just like my mom. I asked her to walk the other day and she told me, "You just don't understand-- I CAN'T. My hands are bothering me." Like, what have your hands got to do with your leg exercises? Seriously.

My depression is getting the best of me. I've been going to see my counselor when I can. But I think it may be time to do something more. She knows about my suiicidal ideology, but it's getting to be a lot more intense and frequent. And specific-- more planning, and it's harder to keep it together in front of other people. The truth is that I don't know if I can actually be helped. They realistically can't put me into any new therapies or on any meds of they know what I'm experiencing is situational. It would be like putting someone on blood pressure meds, as they stuff themself with salted coffee. I'm just not sure I'm going to make it through this.

I've started having fantasies of telling mom off-- telling her I'll get my few belongings from her house. And that she should tell everyone who stores anything at her house to do the same so she can sell it and use the money to go live in an assisted living facility. Someone there can wipe her ass for her forever. ..but then again, she's only 60, and her money would run out way before she would pass. And I'd end up homeless trying to support her. Which I think is fairly likely anyway.

Sorry, morbid time.

Hi. I do understand where you are coming from. I'm okay one minute with all of this, and then the next minute I have high anxiety. I want to go home so bad, and be in my own house. My suggestion for you, is you need to find things you can do, to keep you busy while you are there. Like, reading, sewing, knitting, crafts etc. I spend way too much time on my I pad, but it helps me get through. I'd be willing to keep in touch privately through e mail if you'd like. It's nice talking to people that really get it. The most important hint to remember is you are important. You do matter in this world, and if your not happy, then something has to change. Try figuring out what you can to, to make life happier for you. I know it's hard, and no I'm not totally happy in my life, but I sure appreciate having 8 hours away from here, 3 days a week. It's not much, but it's something. I went home and spent most of the day cleaning up my own house. But that's fine, because it's away from here. It takes time, and a lot of thought to figure out things, but really try to do a lot of thinking on what You want out of life. This is your life, and live it the way you want to live it.

Thank you. I get what you mean, feeling fine one moment and then feeling anxiety the next.
Moms been making some progress. I've been struggling still. Part of it is that people keep telling me that this won't be forever. But really, it is. She's only 60. It will get better for the other people we depend on, they will be set free. For me, things will only get worse. Once she's able to leave my aunts house, I'll be the only one-- or mostly the only one.

I know my mom. She will expect more and more and more, even if she doesn't need it. She will demonstrate how you should be doing everything for her by occasionally intentionally neglecting herself in a way she knows she shouldn't neglect, so that she can be angry with you for not doing the other things she wants. You know, you said you won't rearrange a stack of books that she can easily reach and handle, so she will neglect something more important that she actually needs help with, and then say, "well, I didn't ask for help because YOU don't want to help me with things-- like that stack of books you wouldn't arrange." This is a personality trait of hers that has always been present, it's just got bigger consequences now.

I can only see this getting worse and my world becoming narrower and narrower. When she igets home, I'll take care of nearly everything, I will probably be home even less. I'm scared I'll lose my partner. My partner is the only thing right now that gives my life any enjoyment. I'm feeling stupid and embarrassed now, because I have to go up there tomorrow for Mother's Day and Sunday is my only full day home. I don't want to spend Mother's Day with my mom. How rotten is that? How rotten does that make me? But I have to. I have to relieve my aunt for the day. I keep being reminded how unfair everything is to my aunt. So I have to prioritize her. Life has less and less meaning for me with every passing week, and with every selfish choice my mom makes.