For the last two days my wife, who is still at the nursing home, has been in some kind of foggy state. She was telling me about a dream that she thought was real. Her voice is shaky and she whispers and is incoherent. Her blood sugar has been spiking and they gave her meds for it. I talked to the NP, because nurses like to question my motives, yesterday about what I thought was happening. I told her that the last time this happened she had a UTI. In fact every time this happened she had a UTI. She said she'd test her for one. Margaret, my wife, is incontinent. It takes them a long to come and change her. I understand they are busy, there are about 30 patients on that unit with only two aides, but I fear she will develop bed sores. I also talked to the OT guy and he asked me what I thought about why she can stand and sit 20 times one day and then not be able to three the next. The only answer I have is that she's depressed and that she has a UTI. I can tell she's not feeling well when she didn't ask me ten times to take her home. I don't know when she will come home or if she will. I take it one day at a time. I do know she's not coming home today.

I have been volunteering for about a month. I had to take some time off due to my knee, calf and ankle swelling from surgery. I took on too much too soon. I also have infection in my knee. I have been compelled to "take it easy" which isn't easy for me. But I must take care of my knee to avoid further damage. My children have been helping a little bit, which I appreciate. I have been having days where I just feel defeated. Having her there one would think it would be easy on me, but its not. I visit her everyday and help her as much as possible, since the aides are too busy. I'm in the process of building a wheelchair ramp so that she can come home. But I wonder if I should because she's not any stronger than when she went in. I cry a lot but not in front of her. I am doing things for myself as much as possible.