Caregivers Support Group

A voluntary caregiver is a spouse, relative, friend or neighbor of a disabled person or child who assists with activities of daily living and assists those unable to fully take care of themselves. The challenges of a caregiver are unique and sometimes it's hard to find people to talk to who know what you're going through. Join the conversation and find others who...

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A ? for those who also have children

tiredcaregiver
tiredcaregiver

We have children that have all moved out of the house. If I need to go somewhere and need a break I have to call one of them. I feel like we are a burden to them. They will come and most of the time do not complain about helping. My question is, is it fair to keep expecting them to help since they all have so much going on. I am not able to afford to hire someone to stay with my husband and just not sure what else to do.

Phoebesfriend
Phoebesfriend
No way is calling your children to help out wrong.
He's their father too !
My kids help when I ask and sometimes they aren't as compliant but I tell them if I don't get a break and something happens to me He's all THERES !!! Ha Ha.....that usually works :-)
tiredcaregiver
tiredcaregiver
Thank you for the response. Last week when I was having my meltdown I did call a family meeting. I explained that their choice is to help me or they will end of with both parents to take care of. I think they seen how stressed I was since I didn't sugar coat it as normal. They agreed to help more...we'll see.
Insatiate
Insatiate
It really has nothing to do with whether it is fair to ask them, but rather if it is fair not to ask. They are adults and they have a right and responsibility to weigh all matters in making their own decisions. You have the right to respect yourself by asking for help and they have the right to decide what is best for them. Not allowing our children to make decisions demonstrates a lack of confidence in our own parenting and in ourselves to demonstrate the values we gipe to inspire in others. It may convey to them that we do not trust them, have confidence in, need them, value their role, their emotional attachments etc. Be frank with yourself about your expectations of yourself and them, explore alternative manners of doing things, andvexpand your netwotk of support. Sit down purposefully with your kids and spouse and have a family meeting about needs, resources, strengths, and limitations. One kid may like shopping and would prefer to put it on the schedule regularly to shop for you all. One may find shopping overwhelming but would happily come over to watch the ballgame with her dad once per week. Good luck.