sorry to hear that you're dealing with so much. each caregiver has their own unique problems and load to bear that nobody else can truly understand.
i haven't been on here in a long time so i don't know your details or if you're new on here. i've been told (more than a few times) that i'm brutally honest so, please don't think that i'm attacking or judging you. i know that sometimes all a person needs is to vent and get sympathy in return, me included. but , more often than not, a good dose of reality helps more in the long run.
now, with that said.....
you said the person you're taking care of is your WIFE. what did you think it meant when you were saying your wedding vows/ the part about " In sickness and in health, till death do we part" ? if someone had told you that you would leave her because she was sick, wouldn't you have felt like they needed a good punch in the nose?
i'm 55 yrs old and i'd be the 1st one to say that my generation has really screwed up! it's all about ME, ME, ME! it's way too easy to just run away when things get hard to deal with. i'm just as guilty of it as anyone. i've made decisions in the past that i could justify till i was blue in the face. now i can see that it was pure selfishness and laziness on my part. i've managed to hurt the people that loved me the most. and i have DEEP REGRETS because of it.
this is really beside the point but, what do you think your WIFE would do if the situation were reversed? would she leave you to fend for yourself? how worthless do you recon your WIFE feels knowing she's a burden to you? because she does know, even if she doesn't let on. this is the woman that you CHOSE to spend the rest of your life with.
before you make any final decisions ask yourself how much you're really going to enjoy your "freedom" . regret is a terrible thing to live with.
i truly wish you and your wife the best.

no i didnt find your words harsh at all. that is exactly the reason i am struggling with this decision and why i havent told her. i did make a commitment. i did make a promise. and she didnt get sick just to piss me off. i know these. and she wasnt this sick when we got together. and i feel worse than shit for even thinking of leaving. i just dont know how to get past these feelings of being done with it all. i dont know what to do

Hi annewinnie-
Have you ever been able to arrange respite time? Time away from your situation to rest & have fun, while someone is helping to care for your wife? Respite is one of the most important things Caregivers can do for themselves. Start with your insurance company to see if they cover in home nursing for so many hours per week. There are other members here who are more knowledgeable about getting respite time.
Best of luck, MelodyJane

Have you tried talking to God about it? He knows exactly what you're going through. He doesn't want you to feel bad about yourself. Maybe if you could talk to someone who's well acquainted with the Lord you could get a new perspective on your situation.
God truly does work in mysterious ways. Maybe He's trying to get you to turn to Him for help. You can never go wrong by trusting in the Lord and asking Him to show you what you need to do. Just because ready to obey Him!

Seeking God and respite, both of those suggestions can't be topped. Great advice Melody and april. I love, love, love my respite time. I started getting a nurse to come in the home a few hours a week last fall as my husband now has a trach and shouldn't be left alone unless he is having a perfect day. But as you know those we care for have very few perfect days. As caregiver you can't be relied on if you are burnt out which is how it sounds with you. You need some you time regularly.

Prayers and hugs, Sandy

lol, april,
talk to god cause he / she certainly has no history of being judgemental.
just funnin with you. i have learned to respect everyones beliefs.
still, i hope god turns out to be a hot looking 50 ish looking chick and takes an eternal and intimate " shine " to me.

If I didn't take breaks and time away I would probably grow resentful and maybe a little nutty. Can someone fill in for you from time to time?

Try it captain, you might be surprised. He truly does love you.

annewinnie,
you stated that you were the caregiver in your previous relationships,
is this something you have done for a reason,
you might want to figure that out.
I too am currently moving home to take care of my mom.
I've taken care of a terminally ill brother and uncle and a past boyfriend still with Parkinsons, not completely but a lot and the anguish is what has taken such a toll.
I just couldn't live with myself if I didn't do this.
I don't know how many more years she has and if I wasn't there.......
the other siblings too, just know it will be me and so do I.
I'm just starting with this one and going to try to make certain and make the best of it for her.
Maybe you can try to focus on the good years, what you did and when she was not needing this much assistance.
again,
I just try to find the positive and feel the appreciation that she would most certainly afford to you.
What is her long term prognosis?
and can you get some assistance somewhere, be it other relatives or from paid providers?
the best of luck and know that you are a very good person,
not everyone makes this choice,
the one you are wrestling with.

While I definitely agree with the others, I can understand that the problem you are having is being upset about these "thoughts" not necessarily that you will do them. "Has anyone else had these thoughts?" I am quite sure a lot of us have had days where we just think forget it!
Days are long and lonely!
My day is different from yours because I have a 26 year old brain injured daughter! She was perfect at 22 year old nurse! She's perfect now, just different! She has problems like she didn't have before!
She was living with a guy who told me if I didn't comply with him (not a nice guy) that he would take my daughter away from me and I would never see her again! Two weeks later he takes her in her brand new car and won't let her drive and runs a stop sign and runs her into a truck!! She died! They brought her back, said shed be a vegetable!
She made it!!! She is doing amazing! I am her primary caregiver and my husband is here in the house with us also! He has recently told me he no longer loves me, but we need to stay together for our daughter. We have separate rooms now. We are civil to each other. He will not hug me or touch me. I feel alienated and very alone and hurt. I feel like I lost everyone the day of the accident! Do I feel like leaving, you bet I do! But my primary concern is my daughter!
My husband and I should have been having the time of our lives. Both children moved out with wonderful career choices! It just didn't happen the way we thought like you and your wife when you got married!
Did any of us deserve this life? No! It is what we have been handed.
On my toughest days I do what April said, I call on God to please take what I can't handle because He knows what to do with it!
Usually the next day I see things clearer.
One thing I can suggest is to write down something positive or funny about your day. It may take hours! But I will tell you this, it is a lot easier to think about what is wrong than it is to think about what is right. But if you do this as a daily practice you will begin to train your mind to make the positive just as easy to think about.
I wish you the best in your sad, lonely life, but getting out and getting some respite time is the best!
Join something every week when respite is there to help you. It will make the world of difference in your sanity!
Maybe join a card club, or a walk around the mall time for yourself. I can totally relate to the housebound time, I do understand you and your "thoughts" don't feel bad, just get the help you need with Respite and God!
Bless you and may your journey get easier.
Sandy