cage Community Group
group for people with some depth who enjoy debating theories. if you have an opinion on anything, throw it in - works better with some good arguments to support it though :P
I was sitting in church a few weeks ago and the captain said. "we can not truely live, unles we are prepared to die" IDK about you but that made so much sense to me. I can safely say that if I was to die today I would die happy and I would not resent anything that I have done in my life.
All of the past evils I have commited I have forgiven myself for and learnt from. "All of things I have had done to me, I am over. While I will never say "It was alright that that happened" I am content that I cannot change the past. Am I afriad of dieing, no, for in my short life I have truley lived and become a person I am happy to be.
I have excepted my limitations. I am not supermum, that lady doesn't exists. I don't care if my house is untidy or the dishes need doing. I care that each of my children is fed and content. Is my partner 6 foot with washboard abs, lol hardly. But I honestly don't care.
I respect myself and my family. Every choice I have made in my life has brought me to the point I am at and I am greatful for every experience regardless of if they were positive or negitive.....however if you ask me to comment on this in a month or so....I would probably tell you I was just stupid for thinking this way. (that would be the depression)
so anyway here are my ramblings on my life at this point. And I hope I have much more life to live yet! being ready to die and wanting to are two different things
All of the past evils I have commited I have forgiven myself for and learnt from. "All of things I have had done to me, I am over. While I will never say "It was alright that that happened" I am content that I cannot change the past. Am I afriad of dieing, no, for in my short life I have truley lived and become a person I am happy to be.
I have excepted my limitations. I am not supermum, that lady doesn't exists. I don't care if my house is untidy or the dishes need doing. I care that each of my children is fed and content. Is my partner 6 foot with washboard abs, lol hardly. But I honestly don't care.
I respect myself and my family. Every choice I have made in my life has brought me to the point I am at and I am greatful for every experience regardless of if they were positive or negitive.....however if you ask me to comment on this in a month or so....I would probably tell you I was just stupid for thinking this way. (that would be the depression)
so anyway here are my ramblings on my life at this point. And I hope I have much more life to live yet! being ready to die and wanting to are two different things
It has taken a long time to get to this point. I used to be very very angry at my lot in life. "why me?" "I am the worst person alive" "I can't go on anymore" ect. Last week a came to queit a few realisations about myself. I, while not depressed, held so many self doubts. IDK what happened but you know I don't want to live the way I was anymore.
I have wanted to start an agency for men for about a year and a half. Since one of my close friends had his entire being torn down while in a relationship with a girl and the same week I was told that the domestic violence place in Cairns doesn't take all that many men...as they think not that many need their help. They acted not even interested.
However I always thought I would never be able to do it. Last week I decided that yes I can do it. If I don't help these men, give them some hope that life does not have to be so hard, that they can have friends to support them, who will? So many youths don't even try and to reach their goals because they know nothing about them and those goals seem so far away. By having a place they can come and get information, that poor teens can come and use computers, I will be helping so much by doing something so little.
But its more than just a desire to help other. I want to be a good role model for my children. I come from a low class background. I am the first in my family to finish highschool let alone anything else. I always had to fight so hard, with myself and my family, to be able to even go to school and study. I was pregnant at 15. I don't want to have my children look at me and see what not to do, like I do when I look at my mother.
I want so much to be able to help them when they get older. My father in law is helping us get our first house by helping us put a deposit down. I would love to be able to afford to do that for my children when they are older.
The state I am in right now, and what it has taken to get here is so complex. It could also be because I have studied children and adolecents and how childhood effects adulthood and want to be more than that. I do have so many learned responses to over come. As I was abused as a child my first reaction when I get stressed is to yell or hit. In those moments I am so thankful I am awear of myself and am able to stop and calm myself before I do hit or yell or say something degrading to my son (You are a very nuaghty boy ect)
However hardly anyone that has been through the same types of things I have been through is as awear of themselves as I am and to an extent I can understand why people abuse or neglect their children and while I don't like it. Like Cage I am a firm believer in rehabilitation. We can't just send people to prision and not help them to change. The men/women that abuse their partners or children need help to address the issues that are causing them to act this way and like with AA they need to admit fault to change. Those people are going to have other partners and other children and if you cannot see a need to help the abuser surely you must see that those new partners and children deserve more than that.
And as i said before if I am not going to step up and challenge this veiw that these people are evil, that men don't need help, that poor teens will fail then who will? Yes the task is big, its a giant task and I will never achieve it on my own. But I need to give this a shot. If you believe in god ect. it feels like I have recieved a calling in life and if you don't then it can be explained as simply as me becoming pasionate about something.
I don't think I would ever be able to do any other this without being content with myself. I don't have any regrets and I'm sure I have more reasons than most to regret things I have done in my life. But we aren't defined by our past we are defined by how we choose to use the past to shape ourselves into who we will be in the future. To live without commiting any sin is something but to sin and use that sin to change yourself into something better is entirely another thing. The entire idea of our legal system is that people that commit acts of violence can change.
.......I think I have gone WAY off topic!