We are dealing with our grandson being bullied. The best thing you can do for her is be the squeaky wheel and tell someone. Teachers, parents, monitors who ever will listen. And make whoever you tell accountable to get back to you with what they did about the situation. Take pictures, tape record anything you hear or see. Bullying should never ever be tolerated. Even if a kid is being a pain in the butt, they don't deserve to be bullied. If she won't speak up you need to speak up for her.

In first grade a little girl torn up my daughter's birthday party invitation in front of her. She told my daughter she didnt like her. I contacted the school - they told me my duaghter would be a good canidate for a friendship group. She went to the group, however the same girl bullied her through high school. This happened before anti bullying programs were put into place. I like to believe by contacting the school all those years helped the school realize there was bullying going on and it was not just kids being kids. The school district that this happened in implmented character counts programs when my daughter started middle school.

I disagree with the tape recording thing and pictures. You could get in A LOT of trouble for tape recording a child and taking pictures without the parent or guardians permission. Don't be creepy.

The children that are bullies need to be taught to act differently. They are probably just feeding off of each other and doing what everyone else is doing. Maybe they are repeated what is told to them at home. Maybe the one girl's dad told her that he was going to cut her eyes out, so now she's going around threatening to do it to other people. You never know. I would tell the teacher but be nice about it.

Also, don't make it obvious that you are talking to the teacher about her being bullied. If the other kids find out she will just be bullied more for being a tattle tale.

Let me respectfully give some suggestions about the grandson being bullied,

1. Contacting teachers can be at best a mild help. It does not resolve the underlying issues that caused the bullying and mistakenly presumes teachers seriously care.

2. At a minimum, you must first teach the child to fight. Get someone qualified. Fighting is as much a skill as learning math, and equally important. I have a family member who can fight and his insight is amazing. Note, the small bones in the foot are sensitive and a good stomp can do some damage, a sharp kick in the shin may help, and don't underestimate a head butt coming down on the bridge of the nose. At a party, I saw a middle-aged head of security at a large stadium and was fascinated at how much he knew about hurting or stopping a fight with a younger stronger adversary.

3. He needs to be willing to fight. One of my sons is bright but can be opinionated and I was surprised to know fortunately he wasn't bullied, but he also mentioned being in 11 fights throughout his childhood.

4. Someone needs to teach and discuss social skills. That means agreeing with what other people suggest, dressing correctly, complimenting instead of criticizing, doing what the group wants, and being nice to people with the exception of those who bully.

5. It is almost always better to fight than ignore the problem. Teachers will tell the student to ignore the problem but that increases the bullying by showing weakness, diminishes the boy's self-esteem again increasing the problem, and will reduce the few friends as few want to be associated with an unpopular doormat.
If you need to err, go in the other direction, repaying any act of bullying with revenge and cultivating a reputation as someone not to mess with. Never punish or even suggest punishment to a child for trying to stand up for himself.

Teachers see much of this but rarely do anything, preoccupied with details of the latest salary package or arrangements for reimbursement in their medical plan. Bully's parents likewise usually do little and now know how the game is played and may accuse the victim of being the bully.

I physically retaliated against bullies and it didn't change their behavior at all. They will just attack psychologically if they can't get to you physically.

Some things to keep in mind:

Power doesn't necessarily consist of the ability to physically overcome someone. To think so is naive and simplistic.

Not sure what "dressing correctly" means, but keep in mind these subtle codes of behavior have been wielded on a larger scale by upper classes for many centuries with the express intent to exclude. It is futile to try to make sense of it, not to mention why would you or anyone want bend to conform to the will of others? That is exactly the same thing as surrendering to them. Once they are dictating what you do, they own you.

Maybe my experience with bullying amongst females is more complex than male displays of prowess or rites of passage. However, the NON-physical type of bullying is most likely the type that people will be subjected to as an adult in the social and professional world.

Female bullying is vastly different from male bullying, sufficiently so that most men should not be giving girls advice and most women (moms) should not be telling boys. Female bullying deals with clicks, social dynamics, exclusions from groups, subtle and unsubtle exclusions. Girls can get profoundly depressed and if social status is important being excluded, rejected, or made fun of can be incredibly depressing.

Male bullying is different. First, let me tell you, getting socially excluded, is far better than being physically hit. Physical assertiveness and fighting the bully can solve many problems for boys, because it is not the root of problems for girls it might do little and even seem strange in their context.

for both, "dressing correctly" means adhering to social norms. I was sloppy. In college you can do what you want in elementary school you'd better learn to follow social norms.

"First, let me tell you, getting socially excluded, is far better than being physically hit."

If you paid attention to current events, it's girls who commit suicide in response to relentless bullying by their peers.

I'd rather take my chances with physical confrontation.

As far as clothing is concerned, changing your style choices in response to social pressure is no different from getting beaten IMO. You're just caving to pressure. Dancing when they tell you to. Where is the freedom or power in that?

The ONLY sane response to bullying is to show you don't care. If you can't, fake it til you make it. Bullying is sadistic people getting off because they are getting a rise out of you. If they stop getting the response, they will get bored and move on.

P.S. meant to add, I think school uniforms are a great remedy to people being teased for what they wear.

It may not be possible to make your younger sister "not care" that she's being bullied, but if you model the attitude to her, it will eventually sink in and be of great help to her in the long run. If it's possible to get her to talk about what people say that bothers her, you can give her examples of deflecting and dismissive attitudes about it. Like I said the effect may not be immediate but it can make a huge difference in the long run. These are her formative years, she needs a role model.

Thank you all for your responses, I appreciate them.
I have contacted the school about it and have been trying to teach her how to dismiss what other children are saying/doing to her - well, what I know of it anyway!