Bullying Support Group
Bullying is the act of intentionally causing harm to others, through verbal harassment, physical assault, or other more subtle methods of coercion such as manipulation. Bullying can be defined in many different ways, but one thing is clear: no one deserves to be bullied. If you or someone you know is coping with bullying, this is the place to share your feelings and get...
Hey DS. I am in my 40s, and I still have PTSD flashbacks over being bullied as a kid. I was meek, shy and sensitive, and I was raw meat for the bullies. In my teen years, I tried being a stoner, a New Wave and a punk rocker. Anything to fit in. All it got me was more shit. High school was the worst. I felt like a prisoner of war. To this day, I do not go to high school reunions because I would probably confront my old bullies and go psycho on them. To this day, I wish them hell. It is so hard to get over this. I have other issues, too, such as depression and schizophrenia.
I would like to write a comed memior of my experiences. And yes, it will have a happy ending!
But for the life of me, I can't let this go. I cannot "forgive and forget."
Am I insane? What do other people suggest? Any comment is appreciated.
I would like to write a comed memior of my experiences. And yes, it will have a happy ending!
But for the life of me, I can't let this go. I cannot "forgive and forget."
Am I insane? What do other people suggest? Any comment is appreciated.
I'm very sorry that you had all these experiences.
Understanding how to overcome bullying is a very difficult thing to do, especially when it has been a lifelong dilemma.
The best thing I can say to you/advice I can give is to first understand that the bully is usually acting out because they were bullied themselves. When they hurt other people, they feel like they are "regaining" some of the power they lost. The most important thing I can say is that no matter what you do, don't show them the reaction of being affected by their actions. This is why they do it and what they thrive on. A lot of times this will make them give up when they see that they can't get that reaction from you, even if it doesn't stop, still don't give them this satisfaction.
In addition to this, the people that bullied you want for you to still be mad about it after all this time, that was their plan. If your life is still affected by the bullying then they win. Not only should you not let them win but you also owe it to yourself to have the life you want and understand that they are the ones who are weak.
Bullies are actually scared themselves and that's why they lash out. You are better than them, because unlike them, you won't continue the pattern of abuse like they did.
Sometimes we have to directly face our fears in order to overcome them. This is the hard part that no one wants to do.
Go to your next class reunion with a giant smile on your face and good posture. This might sound ridiculous but I've found that it helps me when I'm nervous (no joke, try it if you haven't already, it really works).
Don't "go psycho" on them or you will be giving them your power and be no better than them in essence. Maintain composure. If anyone messes with you then first smile at them like they're a little kid acting up and say something sarcastic like, "oh no, you really upset me by saying that" while smirking, putting your hand over your heart and maintaining eye contact. This will make them give up because you are no longer an "easy target". I have tried this techniques and they will usually just stare at you with disgust however they won't know what to say back LOL
F the bullies. You are never responsible for the actions of others and giving them your power is basically the same as giving a nine year old your power.
Good luck!
I'm 38, and coming to realize that those formative experiences have created damage that will never go away.
There's a certain awareness that most people don't seem to have. It's when another person gains full physical or emotional control over you.
I train in internal martial arts, because the training covers a hole in my shields that is always there. When I stop training, I feel vulnerable again.
These programs are stuck with me, and there are two guys, one from grade school, and one from high school... if I ran into them, I would look at their faces. And if there's even a hint of that old facial expression, that glimpse of seeing me as the lanky boy they used to push around... I would beat the living shit out of them.
Sorry, that was not very therapeutic. Suffice to say, you're not alone.
P.S.
A "healer" type person has been telling me to imagine my bullies' faces as photos in a yearbook, and then make them black-and-white in my mind, and distance them, fade them away.
It strikes me as a pile of crap, honestly.
What so far has worked for me is being engaged in something that motivates me. For instance I'm an avid basketball player and, well, it's pretty much become an addiction for me to the point it replaces the bad feelings (albeit temporarily). I also love to cook as well.
To sum up, I've found that getting deeply involved in hobbies to be extremely effective as it gives my life meaning, allows me to get better at certain things, replaces negative emotions, and has allowed me to meet very nice people far contrary to the ones I went to school with.
While I can't say my life is so bad now I do still harbor anger because of the bullies in my life never being held accountable for their actions, being blessed with significant others who love and support them, and not being fully scrutinized by society for their actions. Anyway not sure where I'm going with this, but just wanted to chime in to say I understand your frustration and support your right to be angry.