Bullying Support Group
Bullying is the act of intentionally causing harm to others, through verbal harassment, physical assault, or other more subtle methods of coercion such as manipulation. Bullying can be defined in many different ways, but one thing is clear: no one deserves to be bullied. If you or someone you know is coping with bullying, this is the place to share your feelings and get...
Here's my story
Three years ago I gave up my day job to run my own business making software, in the interim I gave consultancy to the local City Council. The chap I delivered work to was a bully, he often abused me in front of his staff (called me stuff like 'piss poor developer', even the 'C' word in front of a junior member of his staff) - pretty much every time I visited. The problem was that, whilst I was building the software I intended to go on to sell, the only income I was getting was from this councillor, so I had to put on a brave face (he is a volatile man, famously being disliked throughout the Council)
He started asking me to order items for him like laptops and meet up with him to hand them over. At first, I was a bit surprised but there was another senior official who also had a laptop, so I initially thought it was something they did to bypass their IT department. Eventually, though, the items became things like fishing rods and x boxes, clearly not work related
Over the last couple of years, I heard from others in his workplace that he had called me all sorts of aggressive and foul things - I had to go in to support my software and I was always really nervous. Eventually, my confidence got so low I became unable to work on my software which meant that my risk was becoming too high to cope with.
The final straw came when somebody else who I delivered work to (who doesn't like the man in question) told me that he had said I was ripping him off with an invoice I submitted - he was now clearly trying to ruin my business
So, I raised a complaint to his boss (a senior Councillor) and gathered my evidence - turns out he embezzled up to 20,000 over the period of three years through my company. I told him how disgusted I had often been at his bullying and offered to hand over the evidence. I wanted this person to finally be investigated properly, about how he bullies people and uses his power to get what he wants
The response? He agreed to meet me, and offered me work in another department, away from the bully. It turns out that it would reflect badly on him if I spoke out about the bully. Stupidly I agreed thinking that if I got some self respect back by doing good work elsewhere, I might stop feeling abused. But I never have, I can't finish the other work and the few people I am working for now don't like me because they think that I have created this situation!
I've joined this forum because I have been totally alone in my complaint to the Council, and it has left me feeling like I am wrong in this, because I have acted unlawfully despite my never wanting to
I wish I had taken my complaint to somebody who wouldn't have had a vested interest in protecting this awful individual. His actions have been condoned and so the culture continues. There is a lady who works on the counter (public facing) who I believe is over retirement age, and he F's and C's when he visits - these are the people who don't get a voice, I want to have him investigated for the sake of the 'lower' ranked people whose voices aren't heard
Three years ago I gave up my day job to run my own business making software, in the interim I gave consultancy to the local City Council. The chap I delivered work to was a bully, he often abused me in front of his staff (called me stuff like 'piss poor developer', even the 'C' word in front of a junior member of his staff) - pretty much every time I visited. The problem was that, whilst I was building the software I intended to go on to sell, the only income I was getting was from this councillor, so I had to put on a brave face (he is a volatile man, famously being disliked throughout the Council)
He started asking me to order items for him like laptops and meet up with him to hand them over. At first, I was a bit surprised but there was another senior official who also had a laptop, so I initially thought it was something they did to bypass their IT department. Eventually, though, the items became things like fishing rods and x boxes, clearly not work related
Over the last couple of years, I heard from others in his workplace that he had called me all sorts of aggressive and foul things - I had to go in to support my software and I was always really nervous. Eventually, my confidence got so low I became unable to work on my software which meant that my risk was becoming too high to cope with.
The final straw came when somebody else who I delivered work to (who doesn't like the man in question) told me that he had said I was ripping him off with an invoice I submitted - he was now clearly trying to ruin my business
So, I raised a complaint to his boss (a senior Councillor) and gathered my evidence - turns out he embezzled up to 20,000 over the period of three years through my company. I told him how disgusted I had often been at his bullying and offered to hand over the evidence. I wanted this person to finally be investigated properly, about how he bullies people and uses his power to get what he wants
The response? He agreed to meet me, and offered me work in another department, away from the bully. It turns out that it would reflect badly on him if I spoke out about the bully. Stupidly I agreed thinking that if I got some self respect back by doing good work elsewhere, I might stop feeling abused. But I never have, I can't finish the other work and the few people I am working for now don't like me because they think that I have created this situation!
I've joined this forum because I have been totally alone in my complaint to the Council, and it has left me feeling like I am wrong in this, because I have acted unlawfully despite my never wanting to
I wish I had taken my complaint to somebody who wouldn't have had a vested interest in protecting this awful individual. His actions have been condoned and so the culture continues. There is a lady who works on the counter (public facing) who I believe is over retirement age, and he F's and C's when he visits - these are the people who don't get a voice, I want to have him investigated for the sake of the 'lower' ranked people whose voices aren't heard
So, when he was nice to me 'order this and I'll give you this work', I felt good momentarily, after all - my aggressor was not being aggressive so the world wasn't threatening - this makes us compliant
Then he would go back to being nasty. He even declared to all of his staff 'look how much money he has earned from us this year' and shouted out a figure, as if it was an amount I didn't deserve.
Of course, I couldn't point out that some of that money was in his games room at home :-(
A friend of mine used to say that I was unusually happy when work came in from him, even though I am not materialistic. It didn't dawn on me until recently how I was being bullied
I completely understand, I am bullied a lot because I am seen as abused. So, my belief is that I am an easy target for bullies.
Hang in there.