Why? I don't get it. If it is said with sincerity, what can't it be true? Maybe because you are thinking that it sucks that you did the work to make him a better person that someone else will get to experience? Isn't it really true that the breakdown of relationships tend to make people a bit smarter about themselves and about life, provided they saty open to the lesson available to them anyway?

I don't know....why argue with reality?

My exS told me a few times early on that I made him WANT TO BE a better person. The truth is he turned his life around in that he became legitimate while he was with me, turned away from a life of crime and conning, to becoming a lawyer.

But on the other hand, his character hadn't changed when we split and according to all the research, any change is highly unlikely.

I am fairly certain it's a line from a movie though, and my exS was notorious for hearing other people say things that sounded cool, or impactful, filing them away and then using them as his own original and authentic thoughts on someone else later.

Does anyone know which movie it's from? I suspect Tom Cruise said it but I'm not sure.

I have constantly heard ''you are the best thing that ever has happened to me.'' Even after telling him it is over he still says ''you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.''

While I indeed have my own issues to work on, I happen to know and believe that is indeed a true statement. I also know he will probably not find another woman like me--unless he addresses his own illness--just as I am addressing mine.

He is, unfortunately, the worst thing that has happened to me on one level; but in terms of the growth that I am now going through, creating my own life, moving forward--I have to admit that his presence and everything that has happened indeed needed to happen.

I can understand why it annoys you. I would just let it go.....

"You make me want to be a better man."
-Jack Nicholson to Helen Hunt, in "As Good As It Gets"

Feel free to ask me about any other cheesy lines you may have heard. Odds are I have the DVD...

I heard I was the best thing that ever happened to him. Also he wouldn't have anything if it wasn't for me. All that was said as he was going out the door to go to China to see the new "wife".

He didn't know I knew about her he was just going to visit friends. He thought I would stay and he could have both of us. Didn't work.

i didnt believe it and tossed it into the pile with the rest of the untruths i was told. it got to a point where words were just words- and i didnt think too much of it.

Yes, Sylph, I am thinking "it sucks that I did the work to make him a better person that someone else will get to experience." I do believe he said that with sincerity, and maybe that hurts even more, in a strange way. Selfish as that may seem, it is just how I am feeling right now, considering I gave up my home and job to marry him and move away for a life that he said he wanted (and so did I). Just happened to change his mind.... but..... "he is a better person now". I am quite a bit older than most of the people who post on here and my goal was not to make my spouse a better person, it was to spend what time I had with who I thought was my "soulmate". Stupid me, I know......

My stbx always talks about what HE got out of relationships- and when he left he said I gave him so much. But heres the kicker- it's ALWAYS about what he got out of it, but never about what he left. It's ALWAYS about HIM. So when he says those things, I know it's because he's a taker and will keep taking from everyone he meets. He doesnt know how to be in a committed relationship because he's always seeking, but never reciprocating.

@cwalla....painful realization? absolutely. I am 55 years old and have still not gotten it right so I am certainly not one to be dispensing advice. But what I have learned is self responsibility...that these have always been choices I made too...regardless of the outcome...I chose to invest, have sex, spend money, give my heart and that I can never control how another person behaves or acts. Does that mean it shouldn't be hard, disappointing and painful when it ends? Of course not, but I like to think that it is teaching me a little more about myself, about other people and about life. I still mourn a recent loss, but I am also full of gratitude for what it was when it happened and what it has left me with in life lessons. I am sorry for your loss and for your pain and I wish you some periods of peace today.

..I guess I find that being happy for someone I loved makes more sense. I know unequivocally that I made my exgf a better person in so many ways...opened her life and her eyes to things she had never seen nor exerienced before and I am very proud of myself for having done that for her...how could I not be happy and making someone elses life better for them? Even if I lost something in the process, I still think I came out much better off...and I am now free, like you, to find an even better partner and love relationship.

different kinds of relationships I think Sylph

@JoyRide....meaning?

I believe that it's possible to learn something from everyone you meet. Since we oft spend alot of time with the people we call ourselves being involved with, it's natural that they would attribute some of the positive aspects of their growth to you.

I think you should take it as a compliment. :]

That not all people think the way you do or enter into a relationship with those simple expectations. We are all incredibly individual in what we bring to the table, and are dealing with someone different as a partner.

So each relationship is different.

It stands to reason that once the relationship is over, that the recovery from the breakup will be different for each person. What they need, their thought processes, the emotions that they process, what triggers them, what meaning they have, how they learn their lessons, I could go on and on.

i know that i always like to be in a relationship with someone who brings out the best in me.. helps inspire me to be another person.

that is part of what i am looking for.