Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Sorry this is a bit long. So STBX did contact me while he was in the hospital, but did not ask me to come see him. He contacted me on Friday to tell me his surgery went well (that's fine, was happy for him) and then again on Saturday to apologize for bothering me saying that it seemed as though I was moving on and he probably should too. I reminded him that the separation was his call and therefore I had no choice but to move on. He said that he knew that but that he wasn't sure if he made a "mistake" (he has said this before). I told him that I couldn't say whether he made a mistake or not, but that I knew he wouldn't be in a rush to "figure it out" and I wasn't going to let him dick me around in the meantime. I said the only hope we had as a couple would be if he entered into counselling and I that maybe even that wouldn't work. He said he was going to start counselling as soon as he got out of the hospital and he would keep me in the loop. While I was thinking to myself "ya, right", I told him I was glad for him but in the meantime I didn't want any contact unless is was about the separation agreement or counselling. He texted me again Sunday to tell me he got out of the hospital (that's fine, was glad to know there weren't any complications). Then he asked me what I thought about having sex once in a while until we "sorted things out". We hadn't had sex since last spring due to his illness, but after this last surgery (to reverse an ileostomy), he isn't feeling so ashamed of his body. I couldn't believe he was asking me this. I told him after the way has treated me over the last year I couldn't imagine going there i.e. he would never touch me, ignored me etc. He told me that it was me that didn't want to touch him because of his ileostomy which I told him wasn't true because he stopped touching me before he got it and that I wasn't going to let him blame me. He wrote back and said he was amazed that I refused to take any blame in this and that now that he knows how I feel about him, he isn't going to waste his time and he told me to "have a good life". I didn't respond. I'm not asking for advice because I know what to do...ignore him and have no contact. I'm just venting and trying to understand what his motivations are here...not that it matters, I just don't get it. WTF is he thinking?
BLOCK HIM
BLOCK HIM
BLOCK HIM
BLOCK HIM
BLOCK HIM
BLOCK HIM
BLOCK HIM
BLOCK HIM
BLOCK HIM
BLOCK HIM
BLOCK HIM
BLOCK HIM
BLOCK HIM
You did perfect now, as the cat says,
BLOCK HIM!!!!!!!
You are now free to concentrate on yourself and your future.
Good luck, I wish you the best. Stay no contact and don't let him somehow suck you back in!!!!
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm not going to block him as I want him to be able to contact me regarding the separation agreement. I don't just want to leave it to the lawyers out of fear that they will try and drag it out. We have done pretty well working things out on our own...there are just a couple of things still up in the air. I'm getting better everyday at not getting sucked back in and ignoring his tantrums...in fact the more he displays this ridiculous behaviour, the more I thank god I'm out. I might consider blocking him after the agreement is signed if he's still acting like a kook, but he will have likely calmed down by then. Thanks for your support
Your STBX had time to look at the settlement agreement before surgery and told you he didn't want to deal with it. I told you then to contact your attorney and let him/her handle it from there. You didn't do that.
Your ex has contacted you after surgery feeling recovered enough to want and ask for sex from you now. So he certainly can review the settlement agreement, but won't.
DO YOU HONESTLY (AND BE TRUTHFUL WITH YOURSELF AND US) BELIEVE that he will deal with the settlement agreement, or that it's more likely he will not deal with it because he knows you want the divorce and want him to look the agreement over? My bet is that he won't be looking over the settlement agreement.
Contact your attorney and let him/her deal with your STBX because he's just stringing you along. You want to cut all contact with him because he is a sleeze bag.
AND YOU WERE THINKING OF GETTING BACK TOGETHER WITH HIM??? YUCK
You did good by keeping him at bay and letting him know your boundaries. His response was a passive aggressive immature way of dealing with the rejection. If he was serious, he would have set up an appointment with a counselor and get moving on that in order to work out the relationship.
I guess since you are leaving communication open with a hope he will get help, only time will tell just how much he does actually care about the relationship and you.