Well....I can tell you that your situation is not rare. My ex fiance of 12 yrs packed up and left me (uhaul and all) many times and each time I took him back...like a fool. Last time he did it was in July 2013 claiming he no longer was in love with me, then got made in Sept 2013 when he wanted to come back and I didn't offer financial support. He actually said "when you love someone you help them." Really?? Anyway...he came back in Oct and he didn't move in right away. I told him in Feb I needed to move on and three months later I found out he is already "in a relationship." Much like you I was torn, afraid, embarrassed. But I knew deep down that this is not the relationship I want. I can't be with someone who doesn't know from day to day if they want to be with me and who will pack up and leave all the time. No one can live like that.

I think you have to get to the point where you realize that you can't force someone to love you if they can't or don't, stay if they don't want to. It's a hard pill to swallow and you won't get to that point for awhile. Breakups and divorce follow the grieving process much like a death. I was a wreck for a good three-four weeks, and I mean couldn't work, couldn't think, had to go on antidepressents, didn't want to hang out with friends, no interest in anything. Then day by day my crying lessened, I started going out again, I started yoga. It's so hard...I'm not even going to lie. But this group is filled with people who are so supportive and helpful. It's nice to know you are not alone. Message me if you ever want to talk.

Sorry you're going through this. I can't offer much as to how I've gotten through it because the nightmare continues and I'm not at "happy" yet. My situation is a little different in that I convinced him to leave and I filed for divorce. The last straw was the cheating. No matter how scary it was, I just couldn't stand to stay and allow him to keep treating me so poorly. And although I'm not at "happy" yet, I'm on my way.

My heart goes out to you and I know right now it doesn't seem like things will get better - but they will. Not only will you get through this situation but you will come out stronger and happier. Might not make sense today - but sit tight and watch life unfold. If you are a believer, watch God work in your life. These experiences do not break us - they make us stronger, more confident and better humans.

See, like you I was with a man who was a cheater and I overlooked his actions and allowed him to treat me like a doormat - I finally built the courage to leave him - was one of the hardest decision I have had to make - it's been a year - wasn't easy - but I know today that I am in a much better place, I have peace and I have my dignity and never again will I give anyone that much power over me.

I am very sorry - but let him leave this time - you will be just fine. We can't make anyone stay and we should never even try - watch him leave, wave him goodbye and wish him well. A cheater isn't worth our tears.

So sorry - wishing lots of peace.

Thank you all. I'm so sorry for what you have gone through as well. I can't believe how much this feels like I'm dealing with the death of my best friend. Problem is - I still love him and it hurts so much I feel like I'm going insane. I am letting him go this time because I can't go through this again and again and again. He says he still loves me too and is not cheating this time. I don't know what to believe. I think he is lost following a heart attack in February and loss of his job of 17 years in May and he is running away from fear of dying and being unemployed at age 57 with no retirement savings. I can't fix those feelings in him so I get to be the casualty of his mid-life crisis. Thank you all for sharing your stories. It helps to not be alone in this.

Sorry you are going thru this. Most of us here haven't found our happy place.....yet. With all of the support on this site, we know that we will eventually get there. Its the journey that is killing us.

My stbx always said that one day I would "kick him to the curb" Well that didn't happen, he kicked himself to the curb, left again and never came back. I'm proud to say I stuck it out until he left because I truly loved that man. His choice of leaving again in Feb. made me realize, I didn't want to live like that anymore so I didn't go after him this time. I want and deserve my man to stay with me thru thick and thin, to be each others priorities and to work out life's challenges together, to be an equal partner on our team! I was so tired of wondering IF he was going to come home, did he love me, will we make it, could I do anything different, his endless excuses as to why I didn't love him......I could no longer defend myself or my emotions or relay any clearer the reasons I did LOVE him. Apparently I wasn't worth the fight, so I say-HIS LOSS. Either you're married and in it for the long haul or you're not......We will never understand the whys as to how we got to this point, so we just need to move forward to the best of our ability. It's hard, it sucks.

Hugs and good luck with your upcoming decisions, we're here for you!

I'm sorry to hear how you are feeling right now, but take a moment to realize you ARE getting through it, and each minute and each day that passes you are getting stronger. My story, as many of ours are, is similar to yours. My ex left and I allowed him back only for him to leave again (for good) a few months later. For me, I have found it easier at times to view it as a practice run for me. I was devastated when he first left, the 2nd time I felt a little more prepare. Not to sound cold, but I felt a little more at peace at it since I could put my head on my pillow at night knowing I truly gave it my all. Now I say peace with caution because there was a lot of tough days and nights, I know that heart sick feeling you speak of. But for me, I finally knew what was ahead of me. I no longer had to live wondering if he was going to stay or leave. I finally knew he was gone, we were over, and it was time to figure out who I am and what is the life I want. Hope this helps, hang in there, it does get easier and you do get happier!