Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I went to a really good counselor earlier this year to help me get my anger out over my ex. I only saw her half a dozen times, but in those few short sessions she said a few things that really stuck with me. I've been thinking about a few of them lately. There was one in particular that really helps me keep my feet on the ground when any issue comes up concerning my ex. I thought it was worth sharing in case it might help someone get through their own bumps in the road.
She brought up the fact that while people do in fact love each other, most people seek out someone to have a partnership with who fills some need or needs. For instance, if you are the type of person who isn't really sure of yourself you'll find someone who makes you feel good about yourself. Or you might need someone who makes you feel safe. Some people seek out someone who has a good job because they are afraid they can't support themselves. Her advice was to find out what it is that my ex gave me that I felt I was lacking and fill that need myself. That made a ton of sense to me because I am a very self assured person and am very independent. I am very up beat and happy most of the time. But when my ex told me he wanted a divorce I was not just devastated, I was in a state of panic.
I still keep that in mind as I go through life to this day. I know what I seek in a mate and why so I am trying to fill all those needs myself, and am making slow and steady progress. I just moved my kids and myself across the country for a really good job. I start Monday! YAY! I've spent the last few days traveling around Maryland and experiencing all the wonderful things the east coast has to offer. I feel good that I made this decision on my own and am doing what I feel is right for my kids and myself. I feel like I'm close to being at that point where I don't need something from someone else. I think I may be ready to start dating again! *gulp*
She brought up the fact that while people do in fact love each other, most people seek out someone to have a partnership with who fills some need or needs. For instance, if you are the type of person who isn't really sure of yourself you'll find someone who makes you feel good about yourself. Or you might need someone who makes you feel safe. Some people seek out someone who has a good job because they are afraid they can't support themselves. Her advice was to find out what it is that my ex gave me that I felt I was lacking and fill that need myself. That made a ton of sense to me because I am a very self assured person and am very independent. I am very up beat and happy most of the time. But when my ex told me he wanted a divorce I was not just devastated, I was in a state of panic.
I still keep that in mind as I go through life to this day. I know what I seek in a mate and why so I am trying to fill all those needs myself, and am making slow and steady progress. I just moved my kids and myself across the country for a really good job. I start Monday! YAY! I've spent the last few days traveling around Maryland and experiencing all the wonderful things the east coast has to offer. I feel good that I made this decision on my own and am doing what I feel is right for my kids and myself. I feel like I'm close to being at that point where I don't need something from someone else. I think I may be ready to start dating again! *gulp*
Thank you for sharing what you have learned - I was at my best when I met my ex-N on the front porch of mutual friends. They had tried to keep him away from me - they told him to leave me alone!
Oh, well!
it's what he provided that I'd been wanting for the previous few years, that he cultivated, supported and gave permission for
now I give myself that permission
(it's a really great question)
I did like reading the part about you may be ready to date soon. You will be a gift to anyone that you do find you want to enter in to a relationship with.
But one thing, you moved to MD and didn't tell me?! hmmmmpfff. :)
I wish you nothing but good things, happiness and warmth as you venture down that new path.
Much love and luck your way.
Joy... I hear ya. Since mine bailed on me I've paid close attention to what it is a miss. The funny things is, I've found all the things I miss in other people (friends and family). I think my biggest mistake was to let one person provide everything for me. Ya know, the whole eggs in one basket thing. That's a really dangerous place to put yourself. The one thing I do still miss is what I've been working on taking care of myself. If i can get that down and feel confident that I can provide it myself, I'll feel so much better.
Having made a major move myself several years ago, I want to give you some suggestions that I was given and things that I found helped me so much in my time of transition. Because I know it can be incredibly difficult and very lonely initially not knowing a single soul except your kids that you brought with you. I moved continents, so I really know what this is like.
Think of everything as a big adventure and that you are exploring a whole new territory filled with all sorts of possibilities. I found that helped me and to help my kids look at it all in a positive light, it somehow made it less scary.
Also I was given the advice to join an organization or church where I could meet with and mingle with like minded people, so that I could start to make friends that shared common interests with me. In my case it has been my church, and honestly it is now like my extended family and I truly have made some amazing friends through it.
Good luck with the new job and with settling in in your new home!! Good for you for having done this for yourself. May it be the start of something really wonderful for you and your kids.
I made a move last year, but actually closer to my family. Still, it was a new area so I got on meetup.com and joined a few photographer groups. One was a blast. They just went out at night and did city lights. I got some unbelievable shots and met some great people. I've joined a few of those here but they don't seem to be very active. I'm sure between work and joining groups on meetup I'll get back in the swing of things real quick.