Those of you that are fighting to save your relationship are doing what a spouse should do (initially). You did agree to back this person for better or for worse and you are struggling to do just that. You are good people to not just throw in the towel at the first sign of difficulty and to try to save your relationships. That's how it SHOULD be BUT if you are the only one to do it you're running in circles.

Sometimes you do need to stop watering dead plants especially when no sign of life remains. I am sorry (have to say that-I'm Canadian;p) and I hear you on how hard that is to wrap your head around but it is what it is. Pick yourselves up and dust yourselves off-there is light at the end of this long dark tunnel. 

   Also I just want to share that while I was mourning the loss of my relationship, my ex was planning my demise. I'd allowed him to control everything financially since becoming a stay at home mom two years ago and it left me with no means to escape when things went from terrible to intolerable. I've now had to borrow (at 38 years old!) from my parents $25000 to hire a legal team to fight horrible accusations he's made against me (no doubt to continue abusing me but now through the courts since I filed and left with our daughter and to try to distract me from the property he owes me). These allegations are obviously false but it doesn't matter how obvious it is-I still have to answer to it and prove it (thank good I take pictures of EVERYTHING and only communicate through texts I screen shot) and if I didn't have the help of my family I'd have to let him win. By win I mean he's trying to take my baby (who he's never helped raise unless it was convenient to him-rate) and all property. Good does NOT always prevail in court so you (and your children) may suffer life changing consequences as these liars/cheaters/users continue to step all over you to fulfill their own agendas. Protect you and yours as soon as possible. The consequences of not doing so could literally devestate you.