Yes, I have learnt much that i have taken into my new marriage. i have not repeated mistakes i made in the past, but i have made new ones, that is life.

you cant really change who you are and if you have a particular personality that causes you to act in a certain manner how can you change that? its who you are.

But in the small things ive learnt to be more patient, more tolerant and more accepting than how i was before.

I think I have definitely learned my lesson from mistakes I made, however, every relationship is different, so I am sure other things will pop up I haven't been "schooled" on yet.

Every new situation is a learning curve. I think we can only help to be the best US we can be, and see where it goes from there.

BUT, I want to add, I think my gut has a very touchy trigger on it now..the minute it stirs, I'm done. Which isn't good, but I know the experience of having ignored it while my X cheated is a lesson I learned big time...I just hope not to my disadvantage.

Some people learn the lessons and don't repeat them; others don't.

Ricky is right--it has more to do with a person's personality. I do think, however, that you need a set of core beliefs--things that are the must haves and can't stands of a relationship. This is what I learned from reading Date or Soul Mate. When a person violates your core beliefs, you must walk away from that person.

I think its hard to break the habits we have in our previous relationships.

i would love to say no I will never let another man drag me away from my family and change who I am but I don't know that. i know that without my family I wouldn't have been able to make it this far especially my mom.

But I have the habit of letting people engulf me totally and forgetting what I really like or who I am. That is a bad habit that I am going to work to change in my next relationship.

I have been married at 24, divorced at 36, engaged at 37 (toxic rebound relationship), single again at 38, remarried at 40, just celebrated 10 years last week.

I'm sure I learned many things about myself and men during these relationships, but the one thing that sticks in my mind most prominently is this:

Relationship #1 - I thought he would change, things would change once we were married.

Relationship #2 - I knew I wouldn't marry him unless things changes and issues were resolved. Obviously things weren't resolved and the engagement terminated.

Relationship #3 - There was nothing to change and no issues to resolve. This relationship is a keeper.

So I guess in a round-about kinda of way, I have learned from my mistakes.

I thought I have learned from my mistakes. I was divorced for a decade before I ventured to remarrying again. Sure, I was independent and successful as I worked my ass off to get where I am in my life. Boy, was I wrong. I remarried for what I thought was a different reason. Sure it was different but, in reality, it was the same pattern. I married because I saw my self in my 40's and I did not want to grow old alone and this man was chasing me hard. I caved. Silly me. I married for the wrong reasons. Again. The first one, I was young and was running away from home and the second one, I was running away from my solitude.

The divorce happened again and my solitude became darker and I wondered why I was such a bad person for being abandoned again. Pity party of one. Blah.

My patterns were going to continue to happen even though I felt like I was intelligent, seasoned in life and yaddah yaddah yaddah...the mistakes were the same until I sought help. I was a void filler. I sought a temporary solution. I forgot that I should have been looking for happiness instead of a solution.

These days, I don't have any complaints. I found myself and found happiness with a broken pattern. I wish the same for anyone.

Thank you for sharing your stories.

this is where therapy helps more than just thinking and journalizing

my next relationship should be much better because i have learned that mine go very well until we live together. so, i just won't live with a woman anymore.

I like to think I learned my lessons and then some, because its taking me so long before wanting to get back into the saddle again...

but the truth is, I won't know 100% sure until I find myself in my next relationship

and I somehow suspect, it'll be new lessons I'll be having to learn

but we'll see

when i met my ex, she had fibromyalgia and could barely work. she took anti-depressants, filed for bankruptcy, and was a self-confessed coward who was not domestic.

for some reason, i thought that i could compensate for all of that.

if i can't improve on that after so much reflection, i should be shot. :)

I've often wondered about this too. It is scary and the "trigger reflex" mentioned earlier is a pretty dominating feature in my life. A big thing for me was to learn to stand up for myself and say no! Now, if anything appears vaguely dodgy, there's me with finger in the air shouting, "NO!!!!!". Hmmm. Lol, this could take on a life of it's own and be an unhealthy thing!
I guess a big thing is to remember to be fair to EVERYONE involved, INCLUDING yourself. If you can do this out of a sense of respect for both yourself and your partner/wife/husband, then it could be a good basis.
For now, although I'm in a happy relationship, I still have issues and move through life with my trainers ready to strap on and bolt if need be!