IDK,

One of my first good friends on DS gave 30 years to a guy like that.

Maybe the question isn't way you stayed, but what gave you the courage to leave?

I'm just going to say...you WILL be okay. Almost everyone that I know who's lived through such situations has learned to be incredibly STRONG and a bit WISE too.

Give yourself some credit, and some time to heal.

You CAN do this, Patti

It will get better. Divorced 8 months and doing so much better. Life minus his total apathy toward me and the marriage = peace. I spent a lot of time the past two years feeling guilty for, as he said, "ruining everything" until I finally got it - a marriage can't be one-sided and be sustainable. I was being a patsy for accepting all of the blame for the marriage tanking, while he did nothing to save it, much less maintain it and grow it in the beginning. I finally gained this clarity when a marriage counselor pointed out his extreme lack of communication - and his constant IDK's to everything she ever asked him. His apathy was finally exposed to my eyes - and I didn't like it one bit. After that, I cared a whole hell of a lot less for him and eliminating him from my thoughts and life became easier.


You'll be ok!

I am knee deep in the separation/divorce process and I just want it to be over so I can breathe and start my new life. We have a child so I am sad that I cannot get rid of him entirely and my poor child has to deal with him and his NPD. I had a moment today where I just wanted to pack up some things and escape with my child away from all this chaos. I am on the edge of a breakdown and I have to keep it together for my daughter but I had a moment where I found myself contemplating suicide for the first time ever in my life, but that thought was quickly gone as I know I have much to live for and to be stronger than that, but I have never felt such sadness in my heart.

@jojored... Your words to her are another reminder of exactly how I am feeling (and was made to feel all this time) Thank you again. :)

I understand how you feel. We are in the beginning of a divorce. I am not dealing with it. We,be been together on and offfor 16 years. We remarried 3 years ago and now he says he again don’t know what he wants. He is 63 myself 57. Shouldn’t he had figured this out by now? He says it’s mostly him. He says he wants to know what it’s like to be single.
His mother controlled him his whole life up until a couple years ago she died. Now he is all of sudden wanting to be in control of everything. He is his mother right now. He says he still loves me but doesn’t know what he wants.
I do understand. I can’t get the visions out of my head him with other women. I will never be the same again. This is the 2nd time.

It is roughn especially the mind games. The thought of him with another woman is hard. I do and have told him I see him with a woman in the future just not this one. The fact That she has no respect and this is her motive is disturbing. But yet I am the messed up one who is miserable. He even had the nerve to tell me yesterday to find myself before I ever date again. Hello dude, I am not the one with someone in my bed the minute my significant other moved out. It is rough but we all need to stick together and support eachother

sfeldk - try and do at least one thing each day to help you "find yourself". Whether that be reading self help books, seeing a counselor, putting his picture on a punching bag or pillow and going at it, finding a new hobby, picking up an old past time or reconnecting with old friends. Anything to get you out of your own head and old feelings and habits, at least for a short time every day. It's about retraining yourself and consciously stopping yourself from dwelling on him and the past.


In the beginning, I found it hard to do any of these things, I felt so exhausted and used, but everyone said this is what you need to do to start your journey. So I worked at it. They were right. Because my ex was such as ass, wasted marital assets and just about all of our cash on overbuilding his "dream house" and delayed the divorce, my "thing" was reading up on divorce and doing a ton of forensic accounting to prove how much money he wasted. Granted, it was a sucky thing to have to do, but it saved me from hiring an accountant to do the same, and it did give me focus.


Now I'm all about redoing my house and finding people to go out and do fun outdoor things with. I was once where you are, and I did get to the other side. I have a peaceful life. You absolutely will get here too.

We can't get what we believe we deserve from someone who does not love us. If a man really loves a woman he will give her even more than she deserves.
They key is a luck of real love that we also can't force people to feel.
So, or you stay with the man or you go away. Not am easy choice if you love a person.
You tried your best. Time to stop giving. Give him nothing anymore..no calls, no conversations, no money or any type of advantages.
This is the only way for you to at least stop feeling being used. That's horrible when man uses his woman. But, he gets what you allow him to get. Right?
I believe that a major problem in many similar situation is simple-great sex. If woman is ready to do whatever for a good sex...she will forever be manipulated and dependent on this man.
There is little said about significance of sexual relations as though people ashamed to admit that great sex is a basis for everything in between man and woman.
The hardest part is to fight these sexual feelings to your ex.

I feel you!! People keep saying it gets better, but that time needs to be here NOW!! I have been reading a lot, if you’re a spiritual person try listening to TD jakes.. he has brought some insight to me about my relationship. Good luck