Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I've been separated 8 months. I haven't spoken to my stbx in over 4 months, mostly his choice. He wanted space in the beginning of our separation and the more he pulled away the more desperate and devastated i became. The more desperate i became the more he pulled away. After months of rejection and his refusal to do anything to work on our marriage or give me any explanation of why he was not willing to work on our marriage, I filed for divorce. Our divorce should be final next month.
I have been isolated. The only thing I do is work and come home. I pick up my grand children sometimes on my days off.
Last night I thought maybe I should try a dating site, not to start dating, but just find someone to talk to. This morning when I checked and had notifications, it made me so nervous I felt sick at my stomach, I felt so guilty and scared. It felt like I was cheating. I decided to deactivate the account. But before I did something told me to just scroll through some of the pictures. Well there he was a picture of my stbx.
It really hurts... It seems like from the moment we separated I no longer existed to him. He put that he was single on his Facebook profile a few months ago. But for me, it's been miserable. The worst part is I still feel like his wife. I dont know how to detach. I don't know who I am....
Own sake. I can not even imagine thinking about
dating or flirting even now.
I am not emotionally ready or healed. I was married
30 years And was not checked out or detached like
my ex Seemed to be.
Your journey is now all about you, not him and its
going to be a rough road for awhile. I am a believer
of therapy and going to divorce care, It helped me
a lot and i also go to Alanon, i am not Shy now about
reaching out for loving help and support. HUGS
The thing is, just like you, I had and still have no intention to start dating.
It turns out she did know something, and so she gave me a great gift that I was entirely unaware of: meetup.com
The reason you had this aversion to the messages on your dating profile is that you're not looking for MEN to date, you're looking for YOU to date, and maybe also just people in general. We're primates, we like company. Get out there and hike, or draw, or learn photography, or karaoke, or whatever! Meetup.com has a ton of options and no doubt you'll find like-minded people or at least a fun hobby to do. The closer you are to a big population center the better, but I think there are plenty of groups in smaller towns too.
Oh, as for your ex, please try not to worry too much about what he's up to and what he thinks of you or your relationship now. It was what it was, and now it is not any more. You need to build a relationship with yourself, you need to like you, fall in love with you, enjoy time with you. It sounds daunting and horrible at times, but it can be good! Best thing is you don't actually have to be literally alone.
I really like that visc.
On some level kcamp, you know another man to fill that void isn't really what you need, which is great because now you can fill yourself up with YOU.
You're just going through a transition period.
You based your identity on being someones wife.
You're an individual by yourself, not the other half of someone else.
You're an individual by yourself, not the other half of someone else."
This, so much this. I was my ex's husband. She was my wife. I thought of us as one unit/team.
I am my own person. I was rejected and abandoned by 1 person, not the world.
I'm going to actually learn from MY pain and come out a better person and someone who has more to offer a future mate. MY life is going to be so much better than hers is.
I like your positivity. Just try to see that you don't need your life to be better than hers, you need it to be better than yours right now and than yours when you were with her, that is all. If you have to think about her regarding the present and future at all, then just wish her all the best, it will help you along your own way.
@Dandelion is right: we are nobody else's half. If we go out there looking for our other half all it means is we're half empty!
yourself. In my opinion no Real healing starts until
the divorce and the decree are in place.
So many want to rush thru everything and grief
Has its own timeline. There are No quick easy fixes
to all the new and different Issues and problems
that will need to be faced and dealt with. Change
Is hard for everyone.
After the divorce then starts the transitioning phase
that is not so easy either. I still felt like a wife for a long
time. He was still a big part of me and slowly it changed
With lots of love, support and working on myself.
I had a heck of a time detaching from him, i went total
No contact, moved out of town and have not seen or
Talked to him since i left. Only thru the mail thats more
Than enough and it still took me awhile.
The wisdom i heard learn to be alone and get to know
Yourself as a single person before even trying to date
Again. Go to meeetups, join groups and clubs if you want
To Be social. Heal yourself and your heart before attempting
To possibly getting hurt again. The healthier you are the
Healthier you will attract, HUGS
I am so thankful that I did not go on those online sites before I was divorced, even though it was so tempting! First, I knew I was still married and two wrongs don't make a right. Second, my counselor told me I needed to grieve the end of marriage and adding another person would only complicate that process, even if it were under the guise of I just wanted a "friend" to talk to. Third, I needed to just work on getting my life in order- physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I joined a new church and did Bible studies, exercised with my girlfriends, and was consistent about going to counseling. There was still the hope that my ex- would come to his senses. He didn't. But, I did. On-line dating at that point would not have helped. On line dating is a good option after the divorce, after the grieving, and after feeling balanced again.
Please keep reaching out! Praying for you to stay on-line here!
But I do feel blessed when I look back and see how far I have come. I just get impatient sometimes and get so sick and tired of the whole process, that i guess i was wanting to do something to speed it up. I don't know what I was thinking. The last thing I want is a date.
At least I'm not in the devastated stage of not being able eat, sleep or function.
I'm not where I want to be in this whole process but thank God I'm not where I was a couple of months ago.