Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I want to start by saying I met the love of my life a little over a year ago in my last year in college. He was everything a girl can ask for to me although I was attracted to another guy. Every time the other guy would mess up, he'd be the shoulder I cry on. He was the kind of guy that left work early, took me out to dinners, bought me flowers after christmas break and a monkey (my favorite animal), took me to romantic walks on the beach late at night, and woke up and went to bed whenever I let him to help me study for exams. Perfect, right?
I eventually saw him as possibly my perfect prince but I had a big problem, religion and family. My family want me to marry a man my religion and he's agnostic so I was afraid to jump into anything. I slowly started getting attracted to him and I started really falling. He would cook for me and I would go over and we would cook together, make cookies, watch movies, and have amazing sex. it was beyond perfect. My parents had always heard of him because whenever I would go visit home and needed help, I would call him and he would always help me. My mom started liking him before even meeting him.
She later met him at our graduation and she knew he loved me and I had been pushing him off. He basically told me that he saw a home with me. She told him "if you would convert.." and he just had a huge smile on his face and that was our green light to start dating officially. He is 12 years older than me but I never saw it as a problem. My mom did when he later asked for my hand.
I had to move home, 3 hours away from him, after graduation because my family is conservative. He would come and visit and everything was great. 4 months later, he proposed to me and we were engaged. He told me he converted and really liked the religion. His family came over and he asked for my hand in front of both families. Everywhere saw and knew we were the happiest couple on earth. People that saw our pictures on Facebook without meeting him just saw our happiness and love. less than a month later, he came to visit me and as I was meeting up with him one night, my car flipped over. I fractured my neck and got stitches and had to be in the hospital for 4 days. He stayed with me the whole time and slept on the floor. After that, he would come visit me weekly because I couldn't drive.
As I started planning for the wedding that was 4 months after my accident, things got really stressful. We would argue a lot and we would always talk on the phone cause of the distance. I have anger issues, when I get mad I say really mean things (i take after my dad). my family is really messed up so I never saw my parents having a normal healthy relationship, i didn't know any better. Anyways, every time something happened.. i would get mad and break up. He was no angel. He would go tell his mom things i would ask him not to and then lie to me and say he didn't. He would never want to solve our problems. He broke up with me a month before our wedding date. He says I was abusive and he doesn't trust me. Later on, I found out that he had lied to me about him converting and that his family knew and supported him so he can be happy. I had a lot of problems with him mom because I felt like she didn't like me, she misspelled my last name on the wedding invitations and then later put my name to be on our honeymoon plane ticket.
He has been hot and cold with me. He ignores my calls and texts and says he wants nothing to do with me and that I am an abusive person but he doesn't see any of his mistakes. And other days he will reply back to my texts but i always talk about us. He says he needs space but doesn't see us together. I am really hurt. Part of me misses him like crazy and can't go a day without talking to him it feels like. but part of me wonders if the break up happened for a reason? will he ever come back? How can someone that loved so hard, be so hateful and cold?
I eventually saw him as possibly my perfect prince but I had a big problem, religion and family. My family want me to marry a man my religion and he's agnostic so I was afraid to jump into anything. I slowly started getting attracted to him and I started really falling. He would cook for me and I would go over and we would cook together, make cookies, watch movies, and have amazing sex. it was beyond perfect. My parents had always heard of him because whenever I would go visit home and needed help, I would call him and he would always help me. My mom started liking him before even meeting him.
She later met him at our graduation and she knew he loved me and I had been pushing him off. He basically told me that he saw a home with me. She told him "if you would convert.." and he just had a huge smile on his face and that was our green light to start dating officially. He is 12 years older than me but I never saw it as a problem. My mom did when he later asked for my hand.
I had to move home, 3 hours away from him, after graduation because my family is conservative. He would come and visit and everything was great. 4 months later, he proposed to me and we were engaged. He told me he converted and really liked the religion. His family came over and he asked for my hand in front of both families. Everywhere saw and knew we were the happiest couple on earth. People that saw our pictures on Facebook without meeting him just saw our happiness and love. less than a month later, he came to visit me and as I was meeting up with him one night, my car flipped over. I fractured my neck and got stitches and had to be in the hospital for 4 days. He stayed with me the whole time and slept on the floor. After that, he would come visit me weekly because I couldn't drive.
As I started planning for the wedding that was 4 months after my accident, things got really stressful. We would argue a lot and we would always talk on the phone cause of the distance. I have anger issues, when I get mad I say really mean things (i take after my dad). my family is really messed up so I never saw my parents having a normal healthy relationship, i didn't know any better. Anyways, every time something happened.. i would get mad and break up. He was no angel. He would go tell his mom things i would ask him not to and then lie to me and say he didn't. He would never want to solve our problems. He broke up with me a month before our wedding date. He says I was abusive and he doesn't trust me. Later on, I found out that he had lied to me about him converting and that his family knew and supported him so he can be happy. I had a lot of problems with him mom because I felt like she didn't like me, she misspelled my last name on the wedding invitations and then later put my name to be on our honeymoon plane ticket.
He has been hot and cold with me. He ignores my calls and texts and says he wants nothing to do with me and that I am an abusive person but he doesn't see any of his mistakes. And other days he will reply back to my texts but i always talk about us. He says he needs space but doesn't see us together. I am really hurt. Part of me misses him like crazy and can't go a day without talking to him it feels like. but part of me wonders if the break up happened for a reason? will he ever come back? How can someone that loved so hard, be so hateful and cold?
Significant bad events, like your accident and treatment/ recovery, are when people reveal who and what they really are.
- at your worst, you knew jerk react and can day some hurtful stuff
- you acknowledge that and by doing so that means it is possible for your to learn a skill set to control it,
- being able to acknowledge character weaknesses, is a sign of good character
-he has shown himself to be a lair
- a liar to get what he wAnts
- that is lack if character
He is a fool not to change such
I understand that you love him and that dealing and healing from the heartbreak may seem unbearable, maybe it would be helpful
To consider the slow fay heartbreak of loving and living with a liar for a husband and watching him be a liar for a father
All the same, sorry for your loss and the accident you were in. You really need to cut all forms of contact, including social media, before you can really start healing. If he really loves you, let him come to you.
The girl my life revolved around just bailed out on our 5 year relationship like it was nothing (after I moved states to be with her...), so I know how you feel. People sometimes become cold towards you after leaving you, believe it or not he may be doing it for your own good to give you a sense of closure. And sometimes they're just garbage people, like in my case.
Also, a 12 year difference is a significant difference in someone in their early twenties, I don't know how old you are, if you did not know how to manage your anger that may be due to your age. He cannot expect to be with someone 12 years younger and not have patience.
You really need to work on yourself before going into another relationship. You need a therapist who is trained in abuse. Your boyfriend may have read about abusers by now so to prove to him you are changing, you need to actually be changing,not just be promising.
you need to be able to control your hurtful words before they come our of your mouth.
I wish you luck.
I read your post and I am very sorry you have to go through this. However, i believe that every person that we meet is either there to teach us something or so we teach the ones we meet. That means I think you met him for two significant lessons:
1. learn about your unhealthy ways of relating
2. Learn that the men you like don't fit the life you want for yourself
1.:
Obviously the way you relate to people seems to be unhealthy. The fact that you learned that behaviour at home will help you to heal yourself starting at the source.
The underlying issue is very serious and it will take time to heal from your abusive upbringing.
You might want to consider help from a psychotherapist.
2. There are men out there that have the same cultural pressure that you are experiencing. I understand that your family has a hard time accepting other religions and it seems to be important to you that your partner gets accepted, right?
First really think about what is really important for yourself in your life than form a list of preferences that a man should have before you even consider to date them.
Meaning if a requirement is being accepted by the family than seek out people with the same religious background from the beginning. If it isn't a requirement for you, explain your family that you will marry/ be with whoever you want. I get the feeling that you think don't care about their religion but in fact your parents raised you and you seem to have similar values nevertheless. Try to really understand what you really want for yourself and how important the approval of your family is to you.
Hope i could help a little
Best wishes
Ooh
Very gentle hugs.
I just know that he made me happy and I made him happy until our families got involved. His mom and mine and the pressure of religion and all got to both of us. My mom kind of forced the idea of being engaged and him converting down my throat or i couldn't see him and then I told him and then 2 days later he told me he converted, I guess i should have seen it coming. And then he started talking about getting engaged after my mom kept talking about how can he come and visit all the time when you guys aren't together? What will people say? My mom is very old fashioned. And i love her so much that i just let her control my damn life and i hate that!!! but i don't want to lose my family.