My wife of 8 years is cheating on me, we have 2 kids 5 and 2. As our kids do have tablets I put porn protection on the network as I don't want them seeing anything they shouldn't, and Ashley Madison cheating website flagged up on my wife's phone, I at first thought it was an advert clickbait or something, so didn't mention it, saw it pop up more and more and decided to confront. She said she is missing something in her life and is just "researching". But at this point I already have suspicions and am actively monitoring. I notice new chat applications on the network, blocker apps trying to hide activities. At this point I recall seeing Snapchat installed on her phone, the signs must have been there I was just too blind to see them. So I keep an eye out for traffic, seems when I'm not in the room, or dealing with the kids the chat app Kik is used.
I start getting irritated, I already asked the question of is there any direct contact, she told me no, but clearly there was, I keep seeing the traffic and bite my tongue and start getting more and more suspicious, knowing her laptop is normally signed into gmail I decide to take a look, nothing in mail, though she does use yahoo by default, however then I stumble into her photo sync, there are images and videos going back months, at this point Im pretty sure our marriage is over. I confront again, again get the answer of no one on one, biting my tongue and going nuts inside I walk away knowing there is more to it.
A week goes by and more videos are added and more images, just keeps building. By this time I'm full on monitoring, I needed to know what was going on, spy cameras, GPS tracker voice recorder, I work in IT and more technology is always good no matter what its for, anyway Wednesday she says she has an appointment at the Dr but its a walk-in and she doesn't know how long she'll be, she dropped our youngest at a friends and drove right past the DR's. Next day had another confrontation and she denied one on one again, this time I just couldn't hold it in anymore, told her I'd seen the images and videos, her reaction was "oh" there was no emotion at all, just said she's a grown up and had been caught and yes she did visit her infidelity partner but nothing physical just to talk. Though this is a lie.
Through the 3 weeks of discovery I'd been getting closer and closer to the realisation that the marriage was over as the lies just wouldn't stop. When she had been told she was caught her accounts all got locked down and password changes all round, not the show of trust I was hoping for, though she tried to display she had stopped by leaving her phone lying around, still with the pin on but least it wasn't glued to her side anymore, this was my advantage as seeing her unlock her phone from many angles I was able to work out the pin, the chats she was having revealed that she had had physical contact and had not stopped, to the point of the next day talking about what they were going to do to each other.
So then she decided she needed space to sort her head out, said perhaps she should stay at a hotel for a night to just get her own space but she thought I'd never trust her now knowing what I knew, so I gave her that space in the good faith that she might decide she would want to stick with the family and drop the affairs, but sadly not. There were 2 hotel nights, the second one I said do you promise you have stopped? She said yes no contact, so I went ahead and arranged marriage councillor so we could see if there was anything worth saving, I'd backed off monitoring, however the day before we went I decided to check, and yes, she was carrying on. We went, she lied in the meeting said there was nothing going on.
So its 100% over, she is still unaware that I know everything, but I'm just getting everything in order for divorce now, seems she is talking to other married men, about 3 or 4 of them as far as I can tell. It gets harder knowing everyday and I just want to end it, but I need to get the legal side sorted out before I drop the news on her.
The main thing for me is the kids, they are typical boys, but also well behaved for me and not so much for her, she shouts and screams at them as they don't listen to her, though I feel that's part of the problem. I would like to have custody of them as feel I'm the better parent and can work around them... Also I'm currently the one with the job.
I'm guessing were going to be living together a while as there is nowhere she can go and has no income, so I'm acting the husband as I'm stuck.
Another plus, I started a low carb diet before the discovery, I've lost over 2 stone from close to 14stone down to 11.7 so I'm looking good lol. Also started getting my own life back, going out of the house and seeing people, which is cool as didn't do that for years.
So I'm kind of on track with everything, just a waiting game and getting all legal ready so this chapter can be over.
i broke contact with a feel a narc husband and sex addict as he lives in another country, denies, lies. I keep trying for healing But with us apart no repentance and in a country where prostitution legal we have so many issues. I’m chronically ill, it hasn’t helped my condition and I feel strung along, I’m also fearful on divorce as no working insurance. I’m in counseling, have been, he...
hello, I'm new here and having a really tough time accepting being separated after 20 years. How do people survive?