Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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wm98 03/10/2008

Why would you do this was the question I asked when she stated that she wanted a divorce. Her answer was I want to live my life. I told her that I never held her back from doing whatever she wanted, and her decision was insane. For the past 10 months I have looked for answers as to why someone would walk away from a 29+ yr. marriage and 3 wonderful kids only to be with a BF who is a prominent local attorney. She was 52, a great mother, good wife/friend, and a nice person, however during the last 1 yrs. she was going through a tough menopause which I told her that I would be there for her, during those down times. In our relationship we had our ups & downs, however we always held true to each other.
When I asked my 23 yr. old daughter why her mother would do this, her reply was moms crazy. My other daughter (21 yr.), on several occasions would say, Dad I just want the mom I had before back. And my 12 yr old son is very angry with her. I have come to the realization that its amazing how one person can forever negatively change the lives of the ones that love her the most. So what is it? Do people just one day decide to check out and ruin the lives of their loved ones? I guess this one thing in life that I will never understand.

deleted_user 03/10/2008

they get so focused on themselves they forget about everything else.

Mine is living the dream right now, she goes out as she wishes, having a great time with this new guy, sleeping in on the weekends since the kids are with me, she has nothing bad going for her.

Until I leave thursday and she has to come back to reality and cant do alot of that shit anymore. she will have to be responsible again.
I actually cant wait till they have their first fight and she realizes that planning on moving in with a guy you have known less than 4 months is not the smartest idea. especially as she pushes to sell the house as fast as possible.

deleted_user 03/10/2008

I agree with mopri about self focusing. I also think there are so many distractions now it is nearly impossible to have a successful relationship. Everyone seems to focus on what they don't have instead of what they have. I'm guilty as charged and so is my husband and now we are seperated.

deleted_user 03/10/2008

I often feel that I have a negative impact on the lives of my loved ones and whenever I hear this line I think about me
"Could have been easier by three our old friend fear and you and me, should have been easier on you, I couldn't change though I wanted to."
Sometimes you want to change and just can't seem to. Fear holds you back, indecision, being lost. I admit that I don't know your story, but maybe she just didn't know how to change in a positive way. I want to change in a positive way and just can't seem to get that ball rolling. I also don't think your average person just checks out. I think it's something that happens over time, they put themselves last, are put last, don't receive what they need, can't accept what they need even when you try to give it to them. I know that moms especially have a tendency to put themselves last. I know mine did, my wife does the same on a lot of scores.
Either way I'm sorry times are tough for you and your family.

deleted_user 03/10/2008

My stbx told me he wanted "butterflies". I think after almost 11 years and two babies together, he was bored and she was there at the right time. She reminded him of what early relationships feel like and for some reason, he thinks it will always be that way. Sooner or later, this feeling will go away and he'll realize what he gave up for it. It's a very selfish phase, but I compare it almost to a drug. He can't think clearly right now and he gave up his entire life on this gamble.

deleted_user 03/10/2008

mine did. he said he didn't love me anymore and wanted to go and find himself. left me and the kids. hangs around all the time, but wants nothing to do with being in a family.

deleted_user 03/10/2008

My stbx was living "high on the hog" for a few months after our separation but then she pulled her head out of her butt. She keeps having these major mess-ups though and it all goes back to the boy she chose. He's nine years younger and she claims they weren't together when she said she wanted out. I think it was just to make me feel like it was all my fault. She said that even if she did it would be a symptom of a greater problem. My kids often say she's crazy too.

deleted_user 03/10/2008

I've come to t he conclusion that most of us here are just "collateral damage" that our ex's or stbx's left in their wake on the way to seeking "instant gratification".

patti22 03/10/2008

I really wouldn't know. And I guess I'm glad that I don't...I'm just not that kind of person.

deleted_user 03/11/2008

I want to live my life.

I'd bet that there is more to that statement

deleted_user 03/11/2008

My stbx was with his first wife, for 25 years, she cheated the entire time, he knew about it,(should of seen red flag.) I don't have the answer, we could assume, we know but we don't. Midlife crisis, bored, curious, grass looks much greener, his hotshot job, getting paid extra attention etc..it just goes on. So, don't beat yourself up, you will never enter there head space. Keep in mind, they never think about, what they have left behind, as they are to absorb, in their moment of new found glory..

deleted_user 03/11/2008

All I can say is she could have stayed and driven you completely crazy. My circumstances are similar to yours wm and I look at it this way. She did me a huge favor as she said she did and I am lucky that she is gone. The being alone part sucks but I know I can fix that if I learn to learn from my mistakes and keep growing.

solongbye 03/11/2008

I've asked him for answers and never received any other than I came to the realization that you didn't love me. That was his interpretation as to why he cheated and left. Even after I discovered the affair and tried to work through it, he still uses this as an excuse. I now realize that it is just his personality, he is selfish, always has been. His affairs, his infidelity in his first marriage, his drug use, everything was about him. To this day his children are being punished because because he refuses to financially do what he agreed to do, he lives a humiliating life and he doesn't care how he is perceived in the community. I want the answers, they will never come. There is no explanation for throwing away a family for your own desires.

deleted_user 03/11/2008

I wish we all knew the answer to this question.. I don't understand how someone can walk out after so many years together especially when you have a loving husband. It was easier for me at 19 years to be alone because I had always been alone, even when married. I can feel your pain and send along prayers for peace and comfort as you go through this.
Cleave to your children and let them know how much you love them and that it is not their fault.. healing hugs to you and your family... Kimmee

deleted_user 03/11/2008

I think people and circumstances change. In the beginning I was bereaves but NOW I AM SO HAPPY TO BE OUT OF MY MARRIAGE. The marriage was heading for disaster and I'm just lucky to get out alive!

When I think about what he tried to do it makes me wonder why I stayed as long in the marriage.

So now I get to live a free of harm and control. He can't hurt me anymore.

He'll never change and I pity the person who gets involved with him. He's incapable of loving anyone. He probably doesn't even like himself.

In the back of my mind I'll always remember that he did try to kill me. What kind of person does that!

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