Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
so..I've been married 20 years..all awful..4 girls..18,10,8,and 7..stay at home mom for 18 years. My stbx is mean,controlling,selfish and very angry. Has been emotionally,verbally and has gotten physical a handful of times.Does things he knows will hurt me and our children and never cares. Hasn't spoken to our oldest in years,and just recently wouldn't even attend her High School graduation.He cheated 4 yrs ago,begged for me to take him back,and being co-dependent for sure and wanting my family to work,I did. After 3 years of trying to trust again and building a marriage,he announced it wasn't working because I didn't trust him..well,he was telling me of all kinds of conversations he was having with the nurses he delivered meds to,about their dating life..other things I found not appropriate..plus baking cookies for 1 of them..anyway..we decided in sept. to divorce,but he wouldn't leave saying he needed to save money,when income tax money came he could leave.Well its now July,he is still here and if I ask when he is going he explodes..even has told me he was going to kill himself and was taken to psych unit..dr called me and said to stop pressuring him to leave!!Me and my girls need to move on..here is the question..why does he insist on being friends when we divorce??I never want to talk to or see him again..ever..we can text plans for children only..that is all we need..he gets very upset,saying we still need eachother..he wants to help me around house,with cars etc. and he needs my help with cooking and other things..he also wants to come and sleep on my couch every night when I go to work so we don't have to pay a sitter!!I work the overnights..but is he nuts???why in the world does he want this..I can't wait to get this controlling,abusive man out of my life so I can raise my other 3 little girls the way they deserve..not living in a home where Dad is always..and I mean always angry.
I know it would be ideal if he left but are you in the financial position to leave with your girls? If you have a lawyer already, speak with her/him about the steps you need to take to get him to leave. And above all, if he is physical with you or the girls, do not hesitate to call 911.
Good luck.
That said, you will have to have some discussions with him regarding visitation, etc. Perhaps you don't want to be friends because you are worried you might take him back after a heartfelt apology, etc. You can say he can have a new life, you'd love for him to have a good relationship with the children, and you will be cordial but that's it. Life's too short.
I would suggest you contact a domestic violence shelter. Your ex sounds controlling, manipulative, and very unstable. They can help you plan an exit strategy.
Sending hugs!