Wish I could help, but I think accepting the reality without blaming anyone is the way to resolve this. You can begin to process this pain (and loss) with more experienced members here. If it is true that he hasn't the courtesy to explain anything I am pretty sure that maybe it is over, and you should move on with your life. Like I say, I just want to empathize. I don't have an answer.

You'll get through this and no it's no fun no matter who did what to start this part of the journey. I don't think it sounds like he's ready for that honest talk right now but I'd say to just keep asking to really talk.

The truth is, having the conversation you crave won't help anything. My ex and I did just that over the weekend. He, too, moved on to a new relationship less than a week after we broke up. Last night he sent me a message to tell me that he thinks that I am prettier than she is and than he still thinks about me and misses me but can't be with me. Of course I've wondered all those things and we talked about what went wrong and how we still feel and I do not feel any better today.

I just feel men are wired differently to women and the type of men we choose will never be happy with anyone as they have never worked on themselves. They just move on from one to the other to escape whatever it is as something new is always more exciting for them. He will do it to the next woman too as he is immature he doesn't know what love is!

I know exactly how you feel. My girlfriend left me after two and a half years. We were on again and off again. But the last time we get back together she said she would do anything she could to make this relationship work. And that we should go and get married as soon as possible. And even buy a house together. Just one week later she told me she didn't want to be with anymore. I was devastated. And like you I just want to talk to her and understand why? Why did she say the things that she did not mean them. Whatever the answer is I think like you I need to hear it. And whether I accept the answer or not I want opportunity to discuss it. Is that how you're feeling? I know I'm not giving you any good advice. But just letting you know that other people to feel the same as you do.

Sorry to say but you may never know how the other person feels, for any number of reasons. You'll eventually have to accept that. It's very hard, and does a number on your self esteem. Just get through today. Eventually, you'll have to almost train yourself to stop the wondering, because it's usually self destructive and counter productive to moving on with your life. And you will want to move on eventually.

Honey I am in the same place. I just confirmed my husband of 16 years is having an affair. He won't move out but never comes home. No clue what happened. He wants to talk to me at times but it's so he can clear his conscience you telling me it's not what I think and he never meant to hurt me. I have never been this hurt and betrayed. Everyone just keeps telling me it will get better but to me it hurts really bad at the moment. Hang in there.

I know how you feel because I know for a fact that my husband still loves me but a week after i broke up with him, I found out he paid to be on a dating site! Another week later, he's already talking to one girl. I was like, is this for real? Were we even for real?!

Copingwith2, I'm sorry your hurting, and sad. You asked the very same questions I just talked to my therapist and best friend about. They both gave me the same answer. "Dont expect to get anything out of him". "He's never going to Give you the answers that your looking for"
Let me tell ya, non of those were answers I wanted. But they and others above here are right. It's so unfair. To me, the not getting the explanation of what happened and how he's feeling. But he doesn't want to. He doesn't feel the need to, I have ADD, and the unknown and unresolved are torture words for me. But I'm going to have to find away to deal with not ever knowing. I don't know how, but I don't have a choice. I need to start looking at him in a different way.
Hang in there. Be strong stay positive. Hugs

Thank you everyone. I find it is consuming me, not to understand how he could go from loving me, and making love to me and telling me he loves me to being in bed with another woman in her house and being so mean to me. How can he just go to loving another woman like that? I can't seem to get past this at all.