Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Why is it so hard?

sublime76
sublime76
Why is so freaking hard to let go of someone who was absolutely wrong for me? How can a person bring out the very best in you yet be the wrong person for you? She was manipulative, she lied, used people, self absorbed, conceded, mean and abusive at times, But she was also thoughtful caring and devoted for the most part, out going, fun, everything I wanted in a woman. And didnt want at the same time....... My family and friends hate her, yet all I can think about is her.

I have a wonderful woman in my life now, who is great for me and my son. I dont understand why I cant just be happy and have a great future with this wonderful woman. She is everything I need. But that energy isnt there like the previous one. It drive me crazy.

I know only time will make her memory fade. I just hope it happens sooner than later.
ClearDay1
ClearDay1
They say what you do or do not like in another are parts of yourself that you're identifying with or disowning.

Thats why you're energy attracts like a magnet.

So you have to explore yourself for the answers.
ClearDay1
ClearDay1
...your energy attracts...

Sorry
samantha717
samantha717
I think this happens a lot in abusive relationships. I've seen it even with children who were terribly abused by a parent, but can't let go even in adulthood. I don't know if it's a need for validation or traumatic bonding, but it's not easy. Have you tried therapy?
ChiTownBear
ChiTownBear
I dont know enough about your situation to say if your pining here is because you still have feelings for your ex or if you are just comparing the new wonderful woman to your ex. So I can't really tell if you dating this new wonderful woman is the right thing to do or not. I say this because I am of the believer that if you are still thinking about or holding on to a past relationship that you are not ready for a new one. That you should let this new wonderful woman go now before you let her get more invested in to you, your son and the relationship only to have her, in the end, be let go.

If you are just comparing this new wonderful woman to what you had with your ex and thinking that is going to somehow let you know something about this new wonderful woman, I would tell you to stop it right now. We all do some comparing of past relationships to the ones we are entering. We look for things that fit and / or dont fit. We look for things we saw in our previous relationship or partners that are warning signs for us and something we know we dont want. But to the level you compare someone new, to someone old, can kill a relationship before it even starts and really isn't a fair gauge when you get to certain levels.

You need to look at this new wonderful woman with as a individual in that department so to really accept and be open what she has to give, not for you to be looking to have what you had with your ex in that department. If you don't, you will never really be able to fill that "spark" because each spark with each person is and should be treated as different.

Dont look for that in this new wonderful woman cus then you won't see the real spark that is there.

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