Don't despair; those feelings are natural (tho they SUCK) and it's my belief that you will find who you're looking for when you least expect it; when you're not even looking..

Rose...I will not lie to you, I felt the same way when my marriage fell a part, but as time went on, I changed my mind.

Meeting a partner can be difficult usually for people who
a. do not know their own value
b. don't know what they want
c. expect their partner to " do for them"
d. are not done with the baggage from their past

I have a lot of single friends over 40, single for various reasons, and when I listen to their conversations about what they feel a man should be, do, etc..i think they will never meet anyone.

If you desire to meet someone, you will. Finding a good person is not easy, it takes time, but if you do nothing , i think "nothing" is exactly what will happen.
I ve been with my bf for 9 months and we connected on Facebook. We used to work at the same hospital in different departments, I was married, he wasn't really my type looks wise and I never considered dating him, but one day we decided to go for a motorcycle ride and we just hit it off.
i think the only reason why it happened was because I developed a social network (not for dating, but to reconnect with some old friends) and actually made the effort to do something - I asked him if he would take me for a ride as a friend.
He was single, had a motorcycle and I felt like doing something out of my norm, so it happened.
Don't give up!! I am sure everything will be ok :)

summer is coming, plenty of things to do.
Go get your "motorcycle ride".

P.S - I did not start to date him while in a relationship with my husband. what i meant was i was married when I first met him 3 years ago at work.

It was hard for me at first too. But once I started going to meetups without an endgame, I had a better time. I actually tried to find groups that got together for a mutual interest (like hiking) and I specifically tried to find ones that weren't only for singles. It turned out to be the best for me because it was more relaxed and I met people in all kinds of situations. And we weren't there to date or have that awkward expectation of "hooking up" or whatever. We were all just there to talk about hiking and whatever else came up. Interestingly enough, one of the girls I met at a meetup ended up emailing me and giving me her number to go out for drinks or a movie. And I wasn't even trying! (I swear).

So keep it going. It just takes practice and time. And the more you do it, the easier it gets, I hope you figure things out. Take care.

I think you are all right, I do have a better time when I go out with out thinking that I am here to meet someone. I think its best for me to avoid those meetups, or places where it is specifically intended for hookups, that is where I start to think that if I don't meet someone I am never going to. The old what is a matter with me that comes to me from childhood, and the marriage I was in. So I am really going to try to take all your advice and not let my disappointment get the best of me. I just have to go to places, and be with people just to enjoy my self. As time passes its hard , but I really am going to try and not worry that it just wont happen. Thank you all for the encouragement, I just needed to hear that. Sometimes you just need people who have been there are still are to let you know that it can happen.

"Places where it is specifically intended for hookups" are good if you specifically want a hook-up.

If you AREN'T looking for a hook-up, then you're absolutely right, it's not the right place or group for you.

There are plenty of meet-up groups with a different purpose though.

I've just started to be social and am purposefully only seeking out activity meetups that are women only. I want to learn to be social again, expand my interests, expand my circle of friends without the pressure or even the temptation of men. I'm at the beginning process of this divorce hell, so I'm nowhere hear the dating, hooking up or finding someone new phase. But for me, a part of my healing is learning to be independent, rediscovering who I am other than a wife and a mother, and rediscovering or discovering interests. And, who knows... down the road when I'm ready, and some of these women have become good friends, they'll know me and may be able to introduce me to someone new. But for now, it's important for me to focus on rediscovering me. And, right now, going out to activities, surrounded by a bunch of fun, supportive women -- without the inherent pressure I feel when around men -- is really helping me to heal more than I thought it would. I've always had more male friends than female, but I'm really learning to value the camaraderie that female friends can offer. Then someday, when I'm ready, I'll make the leap back into the fish pond and will hopefully be a more well-rounded person thanks to the friendships and experiences I've created now :)

Rose, the best way to find someone is to go where the men are that the other women do not go.

Eliminate the competition by using your creativity and putting yourself in men's shoes.

then, ask yourself, "where are the kind of men that i like that other women are not there?"