Because she is an insecure twat. Delete her from FB and set boundaries with your ex as far as the communication between YOU and him. The OW shouldn't equate.

Z, it's the kid, not the OW.

You are the mother and she is the daughter. You need to put a stop to this immediately. She needs to respect your wishes...especially when what she is doing is tearing you apart emotionally. There needs to be consequences if she continues to hurt you like this...you are the parent and she is the child...
I'm sorry for you pain.

When your daughter starts telling you these things, interrupt her and say "that subject is not allowed in this house, please respect my wishes" and then move on. If you daughter wants to unblock this lady on HER facebook, so be it, but make it very clear that you won't tolerate her talking about it in your presence.

oops....I was blinded by the rage for the OW...sowy...

Okay...your daughter must adhere to your wishes if not for the love for but out of RESPECT. Expect no less from them. Sometimes, our children can be our worst pain. But, you must ensure that you warrant respect no matter what.

The daughter telling you these things - she needs to stop because it is hurtful. This isn't a respect your mother thing so much as a respect another human being in pain thing.

Maybe she's shifting some of the pain she is feeling onto you. Perhaps she feels you had some part in the breakup and she is trying to hurt you for "ruining" her life. Who knows? Have you told her nicely and calmly that she is hurting you by reporting this information? If so, and she continues to do it, you don't have to listen. Get up and leave the room when she starts -she'll soon stop talking to herself.

I would sugegest asking her why she does it as well, but I wouldnt expect an accurate answer, depending on her age, kids dont usually have very much awareness of their feelings, or even the vocabulary to go with them.

It may be that she is hurting and wants to talk to you about it, or she may be hurting and lashing out at you, or she may be confused, or she may mistakenly think she is doing you a favour, or who knows maybe she blames you for the breakup and is punishing you.

I also get behind the implementation of boundaries, but figure out the reasons first. If pains driving her choices, that needs to be addressed, it wont do her a heck of a lot of good feeling like she's being shut up if thats the case.

As a last thought, when my husband and I split 11 years ago, ALMOST all of our decisions were based on what was bgest for our kid, because we both agreed as adults we were best equipped to deal with and adapt to the painful changes, the least we could do was sacrifice some of our own comfort to make things as smooth, and healthy for our son as we could.

I have nothing to tell you what to do for your daughter on that end, if you think therapy is a good idea or having friends over, joining a church group, spending more mother/daughter time together doing activities its very individual to you and her. But I would consider what you CAN do to support her on top of what youre already doing for her. Many children end up carrying the impact of a broken family into their adult life, that their parents dont often recognize. Trying to minimize that impact is the biggest gift you can give her.

Maybe she's trying to find a way to let her pain out. Maybe some counseling might be appropriate.

thankyou for your replies,shes gone out and then come home and is acting as if im in the wrong.shes 16 and i know shes upset about her dad going but why is it me who gets all her frustrations.when she speaks to her dad shes all sweetness and light but i seem to get all the bad stuff.im so angry at him aswell now as hes off living his life while im picking up the pieces of his mess..

16's a whole other ball of wax. If your family was still intact she'd be treating you like you were crap, its her job to rebel, your job to hold firm the boundaries. I can empathize with how thats EXTRA exhausting when youre trying hard just to keep your own self from falling apart.

Add to that, this is when male attention becomes paramount. If she doesnt get loads of healthy, affirming male attention from her dad, she'll be searching it out obsessively from other males - so count your blessings that she's happy with her dad. I can also empathize with how seeing him get her positive energy while youre the dumping ground for her negative energy is just another kick in the ribs for you. Oh man, you need to find some source of TLC somewhere so your fuel tanks dont run dry (friends, extended family, massage therapy, courses, whatever).

Having said all of that, now I DO have specific advice (but its worth what youre payin for it). Family therapy - for you and her. Adolescence is the time in life where near everyone gets narcissistic, so she's rapidly lost her empathy for anyone else. Family therapy will help keep some of that empathy alive, and thats what YOU need, or you might start feeling like you cant bear all that youve got on your shoulders, and an ingrateful mean daughter to boot.

but I'm just imagining how painful a situation like that can be....get people who care about you over there to love you up good, and love you up often...K?

Sorry for your pain but tears are streaming down my face with laughing at Z's reply.
I thought it was a little over the top calling your daughter an "insecure twat" until i realized she got the wrong end of the stick & meant it for the OW lmao.
My 12 yr old daughter done the same to me until i explained to her that it hurt my feelings & made me feel sad. She told me the reason she wanted to tell me is so i wouldnt like him anymore then i wouldnt be sad when people told me things about him.

There are ALOT of OW out there that feel the need to flaunt their "new life" (With your husband). My take on things now...YEP! She "won" him. I am sorry for your pain....I know it all too well. :-(
As for your daughter, counseling may be in order. (She's flailing right now & trying to find any semblance of the life she once knew....i.e. with her father, who is probably too wrapped up in his "new life" with the OW.)
You will pick up the pieces....in time, as will your daughter. So sorry this is happening to you. (((((((((((Hug))))))))))