There's nothing wrong with you, people get married planning to spend the rest of their lives together, your is about to be final which brings everything back. Has he done anything to show you he has changed? Has he been working on himself? Gone to counselling on his own? If he hasn't done anything to fix these problems then he isn't likely to. You will always be connected because of your daughter, but has he asked you to try and make things work as a married couple? Some people change but it really takes a lot of work on their part it doesn't just happen.

I know what your feeling I'm divorcing my wife after twenty years and I know I'm going to be better off but still wrestle with feelings of wanting to work things out missing the good times it's hard I know but it's all normal. I have about 5months to go I'm sure when I get closer to that date the feelings will be crazy and all over the place.. good luck to you you deserve more respect then it sounds like you were getting.. :)

Nine years being the way you described....versus 8 months of being separated....

I don't think anyone miraculously changes that significantly in 8 months.

It is grieving the loss of many things, a friend, a person, a lover... each of those things is different and will be experienced as separate aspects. You are grieving the loss of a relationship or a connection.

Do you journal or write things out? Everytime you feel the need, write it out or communicate it out loud to yourself. If he is gonna change let HIM change. Don't prompt it or fish for it or investigate for it--those are all mistakes I've made and they blow up in my face.

Let go and let God.

You got this girl!

Thanks for your advice. @LiannaMeZ, the only thing he has actually changed that I know of is that he doesn't go out drinking with his buddies anymore like he used to. He also isn't seeing his "friend" anymore. He did ask to try to be friends and see what happens from there (I think around September). He even said he wanted to start going to church with me. He went once, but I still had a wall up at the time so it was hard to be around him. He never went back after that. I had always asked him to go while we were married and he never wanted to. I figure if he wants to go, he should do it on his own, not to make me happy. I agree that it does take a lot of work for someone to change. Even if they want to change, it's hard for people to change their ways.
@nooobi - Yes, my feelings have been all over the place! And, yes...I do deserve more respect. I shouldn't have settle for less.
@TTMI729 - Thank you. Although we were married for 9 years, we dated for 6 so that's 15 years. That's half of my life!
@LoneBuck - Yes, I'm grieving the loss of all those things. It's not so much the romantic part of it, but the relationship. Losing someone you thought was your best friend. It's the memories that kill me. Although I have the bad memories, there were also a lot of good memories. I've only written two journal entries so far, but I will definitely to and do more. Thanks for the tip! You're right, he needs to change on his own, not because I tell him to.

On a positive note... although I still hurt, I have noticed a big improvement over the past few weeks since visiting this site. Thank you all for your words.

Hi felifel: One thing for sure is that he was a liar with you before. Right now you have no way of to know if he is lying or not. He did put you through a lot and caused a lot of pain.

You can always divorce and then after divorce, if you reach a point in the future where you eventually feel better about him, you two could go out for coffee. A divorce doesn't stop that. But a divorce WILL allow you to completely break free from him and it will set up financial responsibilities that he will have to follow until your child reaches adulthood (and sometimes the divorce decree includes payment of college or higher level of college degrees too).

But remember, if you get your divorced, you will be able to always decide to see him in the future if he truly does change.

Don't ask me. In spite of everything, I love him just as much as I always have. That's the main reason I am doing "no contact" because it just hurts too much to even try to be "friends". After about 2 years of this, I've given up on even trying to feel any differently about him. I really don't think its possible for me. I've loved him too much for too long.

@AsTimeGoesBy - That is true. I often feel that what is meant to be will happen eventually. We'll see if he is able to meet his financial responsibilities as a father, as well as spend enough time with his daughter.

@jaclyn1973 - Yeah, though the no contact thing is hard because you're so used to each other, it is necessary if you want to move on. My ex wanted to be friends so badly and still go out as a family, but I just couldn't do it. It felt so awkward. I also noticed that it brought out the worst in me because I still had pain held inside and I would let it out on him. I also think I will always love him. I just can't be with him right now.

Yes. I found that doing NC is painful in a different way than not doing it is-but both are very painful. There have been a few times when we did have to have contact and it went well, so I started taking to him again some...but it always ends the same way....me starting to wait to here from him and getting hurt one way or another. I decided that instead being hurt because I knew he was not contacting me, I would stick to NC because then I really dont know if he is or not.
Mine got very angry when I unfriended him on FB even though I told him I was and explained it wasn't about him. It was about me trying to move on.
Of course in my case, he doesnt really care one way or the other. He moved her here and they got married. sigh...so very hard