Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
its something I can’t understand...after 13 years together, my fiancé and father of my daughter left five months ago after a fight..I never have taken a stand but that day my daughter and I were both sick, he was not but he was unwilling to help me care for her so I could get some rest so I said “if you aren’t going to help you can leave I don’t have the energy to fight with you right now” he took that as I meant leave forever and he went to stay with his brother. A couple days later he came over to see our daughter and said everyone in his life has left him and that day I too gave up on him and told him to leave. Despite every attempt to reconcil and apologize he’s still gone.
Hes so mean to me and hateful, the only way I have found any peace is by showing him grace and not reacting in any other way than kindness to keep a clear conscious but most importantly I don’t want to hurt him more than I have already—I’m trying to learn from my mistakes by not speaking through anger because to damage is done.
He opens up here and there and shows emotion and then before I know it, the rug is pulled from under me and he comes back even harsher than before. I know he’s hurting and he’s doing everything possible to avoid feeling anything at all but why doesn’t he see that he’s hurting me but then again does he even care?
i struggle with feeling like I can’t let go because maybe he will snap out of this and be willing to work on things...I struggle with holding on to the little bits of kindness and grief moments we have when I see the man I fell in love with at 15, right now I could look him in the eyes and it’s like I don’t even know who’s he’s become..fear and anger have taken over.
Im trying to focus on prayer and putting it in God’s hands but some days I really struggle with understanding how he can be this way, whether or not I should just give up and say okay he told me it’s over, I can’t make excuses for him being hurt I need to just say and accept that it’s over but then I feel like I’m showing him I really did give up.
i don’t know what to do, intentionally or not, I hold onto those brief moments when he shows emotion as progress and a sign of hope even if he goes back to being mean shortly after. Is this me being in denial or is this me having hope and faith that God can change his heart..when do I know it’s time to move on...?
As far as God's way, this could just be a path you'll both need to take. It's could be together or separate. We have free-will so there are paths that won't make logical sense to us now but may later. Maybe you two weren't meant to walk the same path forever. You will need to be okay with that for the sake of your child. Maybe you were meant to walk a path with someone else.
You guys have been together since you were 15? The fact that you've been together 13 years and still not married says a lot. Maybe he just wants to leave. If he doesn't want to go to counselling (if you guys haven't already) then don't look back! You'll have to come to the conclusion that he isn't good enough for you and move on. It would be tough but so is dragging an unhappy person throughout your life.
I can tell you that as sure as God created shining stars, He desires for you to be happy in love. Love is God's creation as well. And as the first responding here in your post has noted, therapy is very important when you feel "stumped" for answers. Yet if you really want God's help then reading the daily word is a reasonable idea. I urge you not to allow this deliberate seed of feelings of denial confuse you. The hope and faith you have in God removes all negative falsehood.
Much love & many warm hugs to you today!