Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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why cant i stop thinking of them?

nix192
nix192
my husband of 21 years left a year ago,it was the ninth time(all other times hes begged to come home after a few months).after months of texts and calls with him saying he had made a mistake,he changed and turned cold towards me, i thought it was because id given him the cold shoulder but have since found out he has been seeing someone else for 8 months,hes moving 4 hours away at the weekend to be with her and leaving his 2 children behind.ive been on an emotional rollercoater the past few weeks and last weekend he told me he was having second thoughts about moving and actually finished with her and came round to us 2 days on the trot.but the next day they were back together and the move is back on.i know hes now not worth my tears and im better ofalone.so why cant i stop thinking of them hving this wonderull time together when i know deep down hes never going to change and let her putup withhis rubbish.
deleted_user
deleted_user
How many times does he have to do this to you till you wake up. I dont know of anyone that dont think of their stbx/x with the ow/om. It is natural. Just dont let it take over your life . Try to block him out and spend time with the kids. If you take him back he will do this again because you let him.
hurtinandhealin2560
hurtinandhealin2560
I posted a response in your journal but will say that you have to let this guy go. You are allowing him to do as he pleases and then come home to you. How many times does he get to do this? One day he may bring home an std.

I recommend you do two things: get a good attorney and file for divorce and get a good counselor to help you understand why you would want to take back a no good cheater time and time again. I don't mean to be harsh. You just deserve better.
totallychaotic247
totallychaotic247
I agree with G. My stbx left and I allowed him to come back twice. The second time when I realized he was in love with someone else, I said no more. Be there for your children and try not to dwell on it. I know how hard it is, esp. since my STBX is with my former best friend. I know both of them so well that I can see exactly how it will end for them. They deserve everything they get. Good for you for realizing that you don't want to put up with it anymore.
llmt
llmt
I concur with GS and prego...same position here. It's hard but we allow it. Spending time with your kids is the best medicine...do something with them you wouldn't normally do. It's all about making their life as normal as possible. You cannot control someone else but you can control how we react to them. Let him go and be someone else's problem.
nix192
nix192
thanks for all your comments.had a bit of a bad time this evening.he cme to give our daughter some money but spoke to me like i was dirt.why after over 20 years together does he think so little of me?
deleted_user
deleted_user
What he thinks, matters very little. His actions, both current and previous, show that he DOESN'T think! He acts, you react, he begs forgiveness, you give it.

Break this cycle now! He isn't worth giving "free rent" in your head!

You have children, a lifetime "commitment"...he obviously doesn't know t he meaning of t he word, commitment. Anyone who would chose a "mistress" over their children..isn't worth thinking about.

You are right, he isn't going to change....9 times! He'll do it to her too!

Now it's time to change your behavior...realize you deserve better!
nix192
nix192
yes i know i deserve better and i hope he gets everything he deserves.im trying to stay posetive if only for the children.im feeling more angry now.how dare he treat me this way when all i did was love him wholehearted.