Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Why cant I let her go?
Its been 09 months since she told me she didnt love me anymore, and that she had an affair (which I dont know if she still sees him, I believe she does but cant be really sure) and 05 months since she kick me out of the house. Suddenly, she decided that she wants me to go with her to a weekend to a sort of retirement for couples, kind of a workshop to see if we can rebuild or to close our marriage in a pacific and grown up way.
This will take place in 15 days, and there are times that she treats me very nice, fondly and you can even call it loving way, and there I go to be as excited as a dog, do you remember the couple of dogs of Looney Tunes ? One was a Bulldog and the other a Chihuahua and the Chihuahua was always jumping and jumping and all excited telling the other one Spike, Spike want to do this, want to do that and the Bulldog turn around and slap him saying naaaaa, and the Chihuahua always excuses himself for suggesting something that Spike didnt like ? well, thats me with my STBX wife.
Today I took her to the movies trying to work out the relationship and she acted as if I was a complete stranger, mistreating me and practically ignoring me (it was as I was alone at the movies), and she looks at me as If I was a stranger, cold as ice. And sometimes, shes all warm and caring specially when she needs something or she feels alone, at that moment I am the number one, but as soon as she gets what she wanted . . . . back to the end of the line, and of course that makes me feel so rejected, so unloved and basically as a piece of garbage.
I know it is my fault, but I keep thinking and feeling that my marriage will be save somehow, and that in that workshop everything will be fine, but the truth is that when I see her, I know she doesnt love me anymore, she just sees me as convenient, she doesnt look up to me anymore, and I know shes in love with someone else. I know you cant make someone love you but why was it for 10 years and now its not.
The hard part is that even though she cheated, and was deceitful, I am still in love with her and miss my family and my wifes love for me all of the time. I thought I was overdone crying, but I feel it coming back to me, all the sadness once again, it hurts like hell when the one you love doesnt love you back anymore, I know that if I keep seeing her in that romantic way (because we have 2 kids together and I see her all of the time when I pick them up) the only one that gets hurt its me, and I am to chicken St to tell her NO!, so any advice on how can I let her go ? because believe me I try the No contact policy (limited for the kids) but every weekend we play family and I end up taking my kids and her to the movies, the super market, to a mall, basically as if nothing had ever happened as if we were one happy family, but when the night comes and the kids are asleep out of the house I go.
Please help me, I feel very sad and I just want this pain to stop.
Its been 09 months since she told me she didnt love me anymore, and that she had an affair (which I dont know if she still sees him, I believe she does but cant be really sure) and 05 months since she kick me out of the house. Suddenly, she decided that she wants me to go with her to a weekend to a sort of retirement for couples, kind of a workshop to see if we can rebuild or to close our marriage in a pacific and grown up way.
This will take place in 15 days, and there are times that she treats me very nice, fondly and you can even call it loving way, and there I go to be as excited as a dog, do you remember the couple of dogs of Looney Tunes ? One was a Bulldog and the other a Chihuahua and the Chihuahua was always jumping and jumping and all excited telling the other one Spike, Spike want to do this, want to do that and the Bulldog turn around and slap him saying naaaaa, and the Chihuahua always excuses himself for suggesting something that Spike didnt like ? well, thats me with my STBX wife.
Today I took her to the movies trying to work out the relationship and she acted as if I was a complete stranger, mistreating me and practically ignoring me (it was as I was alone at the movies), and she looks at me as If I was a stranger, cold as ice. And sometimes, shes all warm and caring specially when she needs something or she feels alone, at that moment I am the number one, but as soon as she gets what she wanted . . . . back to the end of the line, and of course that makes me feel so rejected, so unloved and basically as a piece of garbage.
I know it is my fault, but I keep thinking and feeling that my marriage will be save somehow, and that in that workshop everything will be fine, but the truth is that when I see her, I know she doesnt love me anymore, she just sees me as convenient, she doesnt look up to me anymore, and I know shes in love with someone else. I know you cant make someone love you but why was it for 10 years and now its not.
The hard part is that even though she cheated, and was deceitful, I am still in love with her and miss my family and my wifes love for me all of the time. I thought I was overdone crying, but I feel it coming back to me, all the sadness once again, it hurts like hell when the one you love doesnt love you back anymore, I know that if I keep seeing her in that romantic way (because we have 2 kids together and I see her all of the time when I pick them up) the only one that gets hurt its me, and I am to chicken St to tell her NO!, so any advice on how can I let her go ? because believe me I try the No contact policy (limited for the kids) but every weekend we play family and I end up taking my kids and her to the movies, the super market, to a mall, basically as if nothing had ever happened as if we were one happy family, but when the night comes and the kids are asleep out of the house I go.
Please help me, I feel very sad and I just want this pain to stop.
She only seems to care about herself and not about you. You need to take care of you. No matter how hard it is, that is the only way you are going to be able to heal and feel like yourself again. She is keeping you in a constant state of pain otherwise.
Good luck, I know it is not easy, but it is the only way you will get over this.
you have to detox her out of your system.
the only way that we can really do that is to jump in further into our new lives. pick a place to jump in. any place new to take your time and energy will be good. the more social it is the better. and, the more physical it is the better.
to feel the pain, you have to think of her. the feelings are not going to be there if we are not sitting idle and daydreaming. engage your mind into something, anything. force it. use everything that you can to fill your time preferably physical stuff with others.
it hurts like hell but moving forward takes jumping in whole hog.