Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
son here we still sit. Her with her undeciveness and me in a state of confusion. I keep telling her she needs to make the decision on if she should move out or not. She goes into telling me that she feels that she has devoted her life around me which lead her to lose herself in the process. She wants to do things for herself and by herself so that maybe she can find her true happiness. She thinks that maybe some time apart may be the best thing for us and allow her to realize that I am what she is looking for. (Even after 14 years of relationship and this our 10th year of marriage). I typically have some come backs for her or some rational thinking to which she ends up saying "so then should I leave?" I just want her to tell me she is leaving. I tried everything I could to keep her here but what's the point if she is not happy with me.
Everyday I come home and look at the lease agreement for the apartment and it's not filled out. This time last year it was no problem for her to not have her rings on (for 6 months) and this year, round two, she can't take them off.... my woman that I vowed to and promised her parents (who live far away) I would take care of her with everything I have is slipping away. When I tell her i feel that I have already lost her for good her reply to me is that I haven't lost her. She just needs time to find her happiness......
damnit....just be over already.... but unfortunately I can't get those words to come out of me
thanks for reading and letting me vent
It sounds like she isn't listening to you, so anything other than 'I love you' is wasted. You could try some romantic gestures, if she would be open to that. She may look at it as manipuation, thus it would backfire - again, a counselor with experience might help.
She has tried counseling and found out that the counselor sided with her and was concerned for her.
I want to save this marriage more than anything in this world.
She keeps telling me that it's not me that she's unhappy with it's the fact that her life got put on hold while we did everything for my job/life. Which she backs up with saying that that was her choice. It's only coming to a head now that she wants to find out her true happiness. Whether it's with me or not.
Problem is is that she thinks that she needs to fix herself before she works on us.
We did therapy separately last year for two months....
didn't work to well. Wasn't a big fan of my therapist and she said hers felt sorry for her....
I slept in the spare room last night.... was brutal... felt so alone when I knew she was 20 feet away. Very weird to look at her laying in bed before I shut the door and turn the light off I say "good night" and then close the door and walk down the hall to the spare....
I'm so weak!!!!
Since being alone, I find that when I take stock of the marriage as a whole it is broken. Have you actually sat down and listed off all of the issues? Think hard about what she has told you is wrong and what she wants you to work on. I probably have a solid page of those things. It helped me to see that even though I love her, and care for her we are a bad fit.
The insecurity of being alone really does suck. I too have been with my wife for 14 years, married 12 this Sunday. It tears me up knowing that WE FAILED. But it is not the end of the road.
If you can trust her, then ask her how she defines space. Does that mean her living else where? Does that mean you each can be with others? How long does she want to have? How long are you willing to wait? All of these things will help you to decide if it is worth it.
You keep saying you want her to leave. IF you feel that strongly, MAN up and do what you have to do. Be strong. It takes courage to end a marriage, especially when you still love them. But ask yourself is it still worth it?
I told her yesterday that I am going away for the weekend. No real plans really just need to get away. She has no problem going somewhere...even though I have a good idea where she is going....so I just said I need to go away so that she can have even more space. There is a birthday party tomorrow that the family got invited to and she said "I wonder if there is going to be people there I can talk to". Frustrates me to no end. She moved out her 14 years ago and all my friends welcomed her like their own. She goes on long girls weekends with a lot of them but when we get to this point she always says that they are "your friends".
So after the first time around with this " finding my happiness" she said that she feels weird and awkward when we are around "my" friends because what do they think of her?.
So this time around it slipped out of my mouth that I found a group online that I can vent and talk so that I don't have to use "my" friends. To which she replies "well now I feel bad that you have to resort to the web to talk to people". DAMN!!!! I told her I want to make this as easy as possible for her because I realize she has no one out here...... but it seems no matter what I do I should have gone with the other option.... guess I'm bad at gambling.
See what day two of sleeping in the spare room brings.
She is quick to tell me that she made the decision to come out here to build her world around me.
There is a lot if resentment and jealousy directed back towards me....
I love taking care of her. It makes me feel good as a person and a man that I promised her to always be there for her. This is obviously the biggest test in being there for her..