Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
If you read my profile, or my journals, (boring!)you might get to know my situation better. Here is a shorter version...
My stbx is self employed, and has been throughout our 10 year marraige. He makes NO money, and really never has. I am not materialistic, I just wanted the bills paid on time and the kids to be taken care of. So, on a cold winter day back in Feb, there was no heat in the house because the bill wasnt paid and I took the kids and left. (There are other reasons why I left, too, but are not part of this post). I have told him time and time again he could not provide for us, and he always said he could. Well, this week I found out he has written 95 bounced checks and was charged $25 for each of those checks...including the check he gave me for "child support".
Why am I so afraid to take him to court for this? I know he doesnt have the money, obviously, but I fear if I take him to court, his family will hate me even more and say its wrong to take him to court when he is so behind on his bills...blah, blah, blah. And I will be a bigger bit*@! Because, as far as they know, this is all MY fault! Know what I mean?
AARRGGHH!!! So frusterating!
My stbx is self employed, and has been throughout our 10 year marraige. He makes NO money, and really never has. I am not materialistic, I just wanted the bills paid on time and the kids to be taken care of. So, on a cold winter day back in Feb, there was no heat in the house because the bill wasnt paid and I took the kids and left. (There are other reasons why I left, too, but are not part of this post). I have told him time and time again he could not provide for us, and he always said he could. Well, this week I found out he has written 95 bounced checks and was charged $25 for each of those checks...including the check he gave me for "child support".
Why am I so afraid to take him to court for this? I know he doesnt have the money, obviously, but I fear if I take him to court, his family will hate me even more and say its wrong to take him to court when he is so behind on his bills...blah, blah, blah. And I will be a bigger bit*@! Because, as far as they know, this is all MY fault! Know what I mean?
AARRGGHH!!! So frusterating!
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
"F" them.
You are in this to take care of yourself and your kids. Anyone who stands in the way of that goal or is hurt by your necessary actions is not worth a moment of your precious time.
It's a big step. Of course you're afraid.
Do it anyway. You have courage. Look at what you've done so far.
You are going to get through this.
1. making yourself feel better
2. need money
was in similiar situation once before...
as for number 1...it may make you feel better immediately to see him in court and have judgement passes against him...but when nothing happens as a result of that judgement (am my guess is, nothing will with him) you will become exhausted by trying to see your justice served...just becasue a court provides a document or settlement saying "yes, he owes you that money" does not mean he will ever give it. and at that point, you're on your own again. especailly since it is not a "legal" child support payment. the only thing you could do is garnish wages... but YOU have to provide his place of employment to the courts and if he is self-employedd...don't know how that would pan out. I am EXHAUSTED writing about hte efforts your would have to make for this (LOL)...
as for reason #2...see results of reason #1...
final verdict...DON"T COUNT ON HIM FOR $$$$$....i know it sucks...but easier and more peaceful in the long run...
if and when you are divorced...let the courts take care of child support.
I think you are afraid of finding out that regardless of what actions you take, he either can't or won't provide. If his family isn't willing to admit that he has some faults in this, I don't think court will change that. Only your stbx actions in the future will open their eyes.