Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have been divorced for a couple of weeks, separated since 3/1/09. I knew my marriage was not great- my ex was pretty broken (and he was quite emotionally abusive), but since the separation- my ex has become barely recognizable. He is living such a dysfunctional life (and although I know he is no longer my responsibility- it does make me sad for him that he cant get his act together). As a diagnosed narcissist, his prognosis is terrible- it is very unlikely that he will get the help that he needs, and he will continue to spiral out of control. I didnt realize how much I was doing to keep him together while we were married- even our mutual friends and family dont spend time with him anymore. He continues to try and use me as his support system, as I am the only person left from his old life. We were together for eighteen years and now, just four months later- he is unrecognizable. I know in my heart that if I had met him today (not when I was 22)- we would never get together. I was curious if this is a fairly common phenomenon? Have any of you (after some time and distance) now looked at your ex and said Wow, who are you? You are not the man/woman I married! What did I ever see in you?
Mine is so cold and self-destructive that his words about me ruining his life seem mute.
He's free now right? So where's that great life he coulda/shoulda/woulda have had without me?
His failures and low self-esteem are of his own making, "I didnt realize how much I was doing to keep him 'together while we were married" - and now he can't do it for himself.
Yet, I grow stronger, happier and more fulfilled. The best revenge is living well.
Someone told me that he reminds them of someone who is addicted to crank..
Part of me feels really bad for him, however, he is unwilling to admit that his addictions are ruining his life and ruined our marriage.
If I were to meet him now for the first time, I would run the other way.
Civility was absent. She tried to pick a fight. I was glad to leave before she goaded me into another ugly irrational marital cyclone. I was able to stay calm and not engage the "enemy". I could "turn the other check." Of course, no meaning communication resulted and, well, there it is!
It has taken me more than one year to get to this point of peace without her. There is much growing and healing to do but I have come a long way from where I was.
I can see bright sunny days over the horizon. I have miles to go.
She tells me she doesn't see the change but I just replied "The woman I fell in love with and married wasn't a serial cheater nor a compulsive liar."
So basically on the outside he kind of looks the same but on the inside there is nothing there. Nothing of substance or honor or character so I guess, yes, he has gone way down hill. He is ugly on the inside and it shows.