There are womens aid and DV shelters
that offer Help. They have therapy, group,
referrals, housing, they Help with divorces
and seperation, plans to get out.

Many go to divorce care.org, therapist,
There are 12 step groups like alanon,
CODA.

If the relationship is toxic theres not much to
work On. I am sorry for your hurt and pain.

Keep reaching out for support HUGS

Well,he's verbally and emotionally damaging for sure. And he was physical. But not in years. I don't think any shelters or housing programs would help,especially since we no longer have minor children. But thank you... :(

There is usually some type of women's aid group
Nearby to help you with services, support, therapy,
group therapy, Many areas have them. Abuse comes
in many Forms and it is not only for women with young
children Or physical abuse only.

They are really a resource center To help you get
a head start on a new life if thats What you are
looking for.

I went back to work to self support long before he
left And i had a therapist and alanon in me too. I was
At home for 15 years. By the time he left i was no
Longer a doormat anymore. It took a lot of hard
work during A very stress filled time. HUGS

I understand when you are is such a bad situation that it starts to make you physically ill. This is a sign that this has reached a point of no return. You have to take care of yourself. You need to start with little steps. Start putting a little money aside if you can, and, since your kids are older, start looking for a part-time job if you can get there by being dropped off or public transportation. Make a plan, make it longer-term, if necessary, like being out by the end of 2016. You will have to do it on your own but like Miranda said there is support out there but you have to look for it. You will feel more empowered if you get a job and start moving toward a goal. Keep posting and I am sorry for your pain and can relate. Sending hugs your way.

The art of reaching out is scary at first yet
the more you do it the easier it becomes.
It is a sign of strength not Weakness. You
Know your circumstances and your options
Better than anyone else. Do whats in your
Best interest to help you move forward and
Get safe. Safety first is my mantra, You need
to be safe to feel safe. Think like a Child what
would they need? To feel safe and secure to
Thrive not Lonely,scared or hurt. HUGS

Thank you again guys. Believe me,if I saw options I would've been gone,hopefully. We are in a somewhat rural area. No public transit. And no available jobs within walking distance. My mother could help,but I don't think she will. She told me to start a go-fund-me. I will not do that. I just can't. Even though I don't see a way yet,I'm not going to 'beg' for money. Especially when I know my parents 'could' help: ( I applied for something online last night. I don't know how reliable it is. And doubt Ill make much,but it sounds like a way to make money now. So,let's hope! :)
Thanks again: )

Have you talked to the shelter nearest to you,
They generally can help with temp housing,
Some financials and loads of other support.

I personally did not need to go that route Even
though i considered it. I got a job and Started
self supporting and then kept moving Forward.
My marriage was not improving only Worsening.
I always had my own car though, thats a tough
When you are rural. Are there any local support
Groups like alanon? HUGS

That's a real catch 22 - you have no money so you don't have a car - you don't have a car so you can't earn money. It is so tough without a car. Do you have some money which you can use to buy a used car? Stocks to cash in, a loan from your mom or (yikes) one of your children? I think this is your first step, otherwise you're physically trapped at home with no access to outside support, educational opportunities, or employment.

Once you have a car, then go full speed looking for a job. Part/full - whatever it takes to restart a job history and start earning some money.

As far as outreach, I went to the county women's "transition" support agency, and I felt really weird and out of place about doing so. I wasn't physically abused. My teen sons were healthy and doing well. I was working part time, had a house, a car and we were building a second house. Although our combined income puts us in the middle-middle class range, I myself was living off a shoestring budget so my kids could have the school yearbook, join the skiing club, have their own shared used car, etc. My husband put us in serious financial distress, but that's another story. I present well to other people, I'm college educated and look the typical middle class, middle aged woman. I thought every other person at that agency would be dirt poor, living in a shelter, have broken ribs from an abusive partner, and 4 little kids hanging off her, the whole nine yards. Why would anyone care about helping me when I have so much more than those other client's I imagined did? I figured they'd turn me away.

Luckily, I was was off base. Many of the clients were like me, in abusive marriages (and yes, mental/emotional abuse IS real abuse). They were at different places in terms of housing, employment and skills. All are welcome. The agency offers so many different programs to help in every area imaginable. Myself, I took a few of the job related courses (resume prep, interview skills, etc) and joined a Coaching program, which was wonderful. I no longer use their services but if I'm ever in a position to donate, I will surely give them a nice chunk of change. Please reconsider this issue, you are in need of assistance and there are people out there willing to provide it.

This is my story too. Four years I was in that position. I tried to save, I tried to get therapy and retrain.
I couldn't do any of that well at all and it just compounded my feelings of helplessness and made me feel even worse. And the solution and the way out just seemed to get further and further away.

I contacted Womens Aid. They have a freephone number. I am also in the same position as you, I have grown up children and am not being beaten, I felt they couldn't help me. I was ill with vertigo and anxiety, I lost my hair twice in a year. But that is exactly why they are there. They are very helpful. They can help you, please just reach out and ask. There is help out there and you can have a future.

I like hearing your stories, i was petrified people
Like me did not go to shelters. I kick my sorry
Butt i didnt. I would have been years younger
And my ex would have felt The bite of what he
was doing. He thought he was invincible and
Could be nasty just because he was unhappy
And displeased. I am glad i went back to Work
and can self support. My marriage nor my ex ever
Improved only got worse. HUGS

Thank you to all you guys. I will try to look for some help. I just really wanted to do this on my own. And no,I have nobody I could borrow that sum of money from. I wish now I had made different choices when I was younger. I just wanted so bad to have the family life I didn't. The main reason I built my life around them. I just never thought 'we' would end like this. :(