Breakups & Divorce Support Group

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When is it okay to let go?

Dreamerbebe702
Dreamerbebe702

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Hi, 


I’m new to this site. At this time, this seems to be the best way for me to vent. I have been on an emotional roller coaster with my husband and I just can’t do this anymore. We have been separated on and off for a year. I want to heal, I want to be happy and move on but I can’t. 


When I am ready to leave, he draws me in. When I am near, her pushes me away. He has me on this roller coaster that has me feeling emotionally unstable. When it okay to let go? 


We have tried over and over for our kids but now I feel like they are better off if we are not together. All we do is fight and hurt each other. I feel so codependent on him.. ugh! I hate this feeling. I need to let go and be set free. I need to mourn this loss and heal.. 


I feel empowered, and yet sad... because I know in my heart, it’s time to let go..


This relationship is toxic! 

obviousBUTcomplex
obviousBUTcomplex
he is unstable and that is his issue that he needs to deal with but you should also ask yourself why you are dancing to his tune. he can "try" to draw you in and push you away but won't work unless you are still attached to him in some way (like you said, co-dependent) and you can't act/think independently by yourself. you "can" let go if you want and you can set "yourself" free. he is not inside your head controlling you, you are in control of your own self.
think about the life you want to live, the reason why you leaving him and use that as an anchor (reminder/ or something you can use as a "comparison" to your current life) for more self control.
kayton
kayton
You love him a lot and he loves you too that is why yo hang on,i would suggest you guys see a counselor if you already done that and it didn't work ,you go to Jesus.He alone can heal your marriage.
jojored
jojored
Lots of us hang on long after any real hope of reconciliation, not out of any remaining love, but for a host of other reasons. For me, it was to keep things together for the sake of the kids (which was misguided in my case) and the fear of all of the tremendous changes involved in separation and divorce. It was a two year process once I brought up the divorce issue, and the SECOND I walked out of the court room, I experienced such relief. More came a week or so later when he finally moved out. Again more just this November 1st when we sold a house.

Take responsibility for being on this roller coaster. You have the power to get off when you are ready. It sounds like you are ready. Here's wishing you strength.