I can totally relate to how you're feeling. I experienced the same thing with my husband except that we don't have children. We have been together 30 years and been married twice. About three years ago he started being very mentally and verbally abusive. I was already depressed because I had been injured in an accident and unable to work. I was completely dependent on him. His continued to abuse only made my depression worse. Having been together so long I loved him deeply but knew what damage he was doing to me. I too tried to stick it out hoping that he would listen to me understand what he was doing to me and things will change. But that didn't happen. In fact things only got worse when I found out he empty the bank account and was having his checks deposited into another account. It finally came down to the point where I was suicidal so it was him or me. I have a 19 year old son and I wasn't ready to go so I told him to leave. When he left I had no money and no job on mortgage for a house that was mine prior to our marriage and all the other bills associated. It was and still is very stressful as this was only six months ago. Even though I was rated as being unable to work I was forced to get a job to try to attempt to get back on my feet. When we separated it wasn't a definite line to divorce. We talked about working it out and getting back together. However he failed to inform me that he was seeing my best friend of 35 years. That kind of put a damper on the whole thing. My mom always told me you'll know when you've had enough and you'll do what needs to be done. It's not really something I can give you much advice on other than remember you need to respect yourself because it doesn't sound like he's going to respect you anymore than my husband did me. I know it will be much harder for you with six children take it. I know how hard it was as a single mom of one. But staying in a toxic relationship isn't good either. You have to make the decision for your children as much as for yourself. I had to make that decision with my son's father because I didn't want my son to think the way our relationship was with the way it was supposed to be because all we did was argue. As in my situation I seen keep giving him ample opportunity and told him what you need and since he has failed to even attempt to try to work it out I don't think he has any desire to. It sounds to me like she doesn't really care. It was really hard for me to tell my husband to leave especially knowing the situation it would put me in but even though I'm stressed because of my financial situation I feel a great burden has been lifted because I'm not constantly being told what a bad person I am and I feel like I can be myself. I think at this point you really need to consider that you've tried your best to make him understand and turn things around. Now is the time that maybe you should look at getting your Affairs in order and start making plans to do what you need to do for you and your children. Believe me I know it's not easy but I believe you will find you feel much better when you're out of the situation like I did. If you would like to talk some more feel free to contact me. Be strong. Good luck.

Thank you and I wasn't even sure I could write this but I did see your story and could relate to pieces of it. I know leaving is the only option left anymore because I'm a very different person now. I honestly don't think my heart can take anymore hurt and neither can my character. I used to smile and laugh and now I have to think about the last time I was able to do that with him. I know it won't be easy and I'm level headed but I guess I'm also delusional because I have stayed and waited for so long.
Thanks again and I hope you know your story is very inspiring. I can't imagine the heartache you have felt but I imagine your success story will be more amazing!!

I'm sorry you're experiencing all of this. Marriage is hard at times. I can testify that putting in hard work in a relationship is worth it. It sounds like you have given all that you know to do at this moment. Do you have a support system – people who can and will give you wisdom regarding this situation? It is never good to be in a toxic relationship, but if there is any way to strengthen the marriage, that would be great. Hang in there. Make the best decision for you and your children. Sending hugs to you.