Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
my husband left in May saying he needed some space, he continued to tell me that he still loves me deep inside and wants some space and time but still wants to try to work on us. Well he never got his own place, he stayed with friends, then these friends turned into just a female and the beginning of August he was still telling me he wanted to try for us and she was a friend, a good friend, i don't know what to call us. So finally i asked her and she said they were a couple. Do that is how i found out my husband was having an affair. We have 2 kids and I am heart broken, I cry so much and have such anxiety. I wake up in the middle of the night just panicked over all of this. The part that is so hard for me is we were still sleeping together up to the day he left, we still were in the same bed, still having intercourse, everything. So I don't understand and I can't get past the sad. How does everyone get past the sad?
It's hard to start rebuilding and healing when your spouse lies and cheats while STILL saying he loves you or sees chances for a reconciliation.
The most hurtful thing, in my opinion, is the waiting game. We wait for them to let us know when they're done screwing around, wait for them to say they love us, wait for them to say they understand how they hurt us, wait for them to come back. Wait, wait, wait. They often never understand and never give a straight response, or worse, they do understand but still won't give a straight response. Selfish. Once the waiting game has played itself out, which usually is when the spouse left behind simply cannot wait any longer and finally demands action, then action can occur. Relief can start, once you know which road you will be traveling.
You're sad, but do you have any clarity on what you want to do next? I imagine you're in the waiting phase. Could you ever trust him again? As I see it, if this fling with this girl flares out, he may try to come back home, to safety, to the woman he let down but who he probably expects to take him back. After all, he left that door open, saying he still wanted to try last month. Wasn't that a smart strategy on his part? Are you the woman who will take him back because she still loves him AND trusts him, because they share small children together, because she wants to give it one more try? What if he does this again, or you find that he's cheated in the past? If he's been dishonest with this relationship, is he dishonest with other things too? Do you have any real trust in him anymore to be a decent father (which by the way he doesn't seem to be by parading around the GF), a decent partner, a faithful husband? Forget what he says now, or ever said in the past. Watch his actions. Step 1 is clarity on what you will accept. Get that clarity no matter how hard. You can do this.