I posted this on the Infidelity board, but thought you guys could give me help too... but sorry if some of you are reading twice..

I have been struggling with this lately.

A year ago my husband and I bought a beautiful home that I love, and we made it a home. It has been my turtle shell these last eight months, a place of refuge and my turtle shell. I can cry in the shower, and paint my closet and just do my own thing and be with my dogs.

My problem is that my husband doesn't want to stop coming around. I know he pays for the house and the bills, and have even asked him to tell me when he is coming so I can leave, but the problem is I have no where to go and he is coming around almost daily.

I asked him if we could set up a schedule where he was with the OW Sunday-Thurday, came to the house Friday and Saturday and during those nights I would stay with a friend or in a hotel. I don't see how we can feasibly do a true separation anyother way, because if I moved into an apartment- which I have been thinking about, it would really take all of my money and I would have to forfeit my mortgage payment and the bills just to make ends meet.

I know if I move out that I wouldn't be able to return because I would picture her there and I would get upset, because my husband and I worked hard for our things, not her, why should she reap the benefit?

Is any of this making sense? Its been eight months, and not much is changing and I think it is time to really be apart- no contact, no living together. I wish I could say you seem to pick her, just be with her and don't come here. But he says he wants to come home because its his home, he feels comfortable here, and he pays for it- which in the state of Texas means he has every right to be there.

I do want my own apartment, but if I leave the home, it could go badly against me if we divorce, because it could look like abandonment. I just don't know what to do. My closest friends lives 30 minutes away and said I could live in her guest room, but she has six children and a husband who probably wouldn't be so happy about me always being there when I am not working.

Any advice on how to do this? This is what just made me see the writing on the wall even more this week. I am flying out of town Friday to see my father during his intensive chemo treatment. I asked H to take me to the airport, he agreed. Well, that doesn't mean he will stay the night, he cannot agree to that, and that means he wants me to leave my car at work, instead of our house, which makes it even more complicated for me because my boss will wonder why my car is there and know when I am back in town too. So I cannot even depend on him to do that.

So now I will probably have to drive myself to the airport and park my car there, how frustrating. Its like hello... here is your sign... nothing will change...

Anyway... I have a week off when I come back and don't know if I should look for an apartment or just take time to clear my head and figure things out. I do love my house but now its just a huge reminder of what we had, and now are losing.

Sorry so long any advice would be nice