Hmmmmm. Tempting as that thought is, I honestly don't think I would have done anything differently (because doing things the way I did, taught - or IS teaching- me to be able to live differently now). It would have been nice to get here without so much pain, but I'm the type that has to learn things the hard way! :o)

I would have had enough self care and awareness to walk away after the first lie.

Nothing could have saved us. At all.

I would of spoke up!! I would have gotten help on dealing with my poor communication skills....I would have been more understanding.....but, first and the most important would be NOT to have been silent in fear of hurting his feelings...because me NOT being VOCAL has a huge part in our separation. Now ask him......I'm sure he will blame me!!!

The "would have's" REALLY got me down and kept me in a bad place for a long time. I try not to dwell there for long anymore (which has been hard for me, as a life long dweller)! I can't undo, but I CAN do differently and better now. So I try.

I think it's important to define what I would have done differently so I understand myself and my decisions going forward more clearly.

I guess that is true as well. For me, it was important to find some sort of balance between defining and dwelling.

I find that the same chemistry that once brought us together can bring us apart.

I would have learned to communicate better in the beginning, I also would have been more secure in what I wanted and not let him walk all over me with his lies, addicting, and cheating. Lastly, I would have dealt with my co-dependency issues and tried to not be so controlling, and angry. I can't re-do it, but I can do it different in my next relationship!

I could say that I would not have gotten married, but there is so much of myself that I have come to be as a person because I got married and had my children when I did. I would not be the same person I am now and that would be a shame. I have made mistakes, but I do not dislike myself or the person I have become because of those mistakes.

If I could have done something different, I would have tried harder in different ways than what I was doing to try to make the marriage work. I don't think I really knew what I needed and wasn't able to fully articulate it to my ex (hindsight is so much clearer). I know full well now, but too much water has passed under the bridge and he and I have developed too many dysfunctional patterns that we could not break. Plus there are things of which he and I are both stubborn and unwilling to give up for the other person.

If I could go back and change something I would have stood up for myself more, but I think that still would have led to my divorce. A person can only go without for so long before they want to leave.

I've given this a great deal of thought. and what I would have done differently would be to enforce good boundaries. That would have caused the end of that relationship, as it was something she never would have tolerated.

so... guess, long story short. I would not have married her either.

I would still have gotten married when I did because a lot of good came from it - 2 great kids who are my life right now. But like some others have said here, I would have stood up for myself more, and I would have developed more interests for myself instead of just going along with whatever he wanted to do, with his friends, when he felt like it. Wish I had known about codependence so I could have gotten into counseling a long time ago, but then I doubt I would have seen anything wrong with myself then. Took years and years of living with an alcoholic to see the pattern. I've been instructed by my therapist to get out of my head and into my gut: what am I FEELING. I have absolutely no idea. I don't really FEEL anything. I think a lot. Guess I would do that differently!!

I would have left him the first time the thought/idea came into my head. That was about 2 years into our marriage.

I will no longer ever doubt myself again.

I, most likely, would not have chosen to marry and deal with this pain. I say that only knowing what I know now. Then again, I would not have my children to love, so for me the pain now was worth having my kids.

It's going to be tough to watch them navigate through the pain themselves. They did not deserve any of this. It's a tough lesson in life. I hope they, and all the children of divorce, take a little morsel of this and treat their significant others with respect and dignity. If they can do that, all this was worth it.

I have thoughts similar to reply #10.

I have thoughts similar to reply #10.