Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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What to make of it?

strumphyy
strumphyy
These are the facts of our split. I had two choices: let it go or talk it out..I can't let it go..
I won't talk about the endless fights of before..About his HUUUGE indifference in august, about me wanting to break up in september after I found someone else, about us trying to make it work after that..
I will talk about the LAST reason why he left..
I am sorry to be rambling and I'll try to make it short..
The relationship was finally starting to work, or so I thought, when he decided he needed some breaks. He took various trips and such. Then I told him this won't work anymore, that I am unhappy this way. Basically, he wnated more freedom and I wnated him to be more involved..Then he said: "I need this last break, a few days trip, but I don't want you to call me while I am there. Maybe expect for my call". He said he was going to some guy he met on the Internet and he would stay at his place!This seemed so strange, I became histerical! I asked for the guy's number but he wouldn't give it to me out of silly pretexts!! He just wanted me to let him go on that trip and not call him at all! I felt awful, afraid, betrayed! I told him: you have to choose between this trip and me. If you go I won't be here for you anymore!. he said he would risk it! he went on that trip. on the second day I tried to call him. He didn't answer! When he came back he said that he decided for us to part. He didn't even said it in my face. He did it on the Internet. Then basically didn't care about what I was doing..
Now, he is on another 'trip'. I feel so awful..I feel like crying all the time...Maybe I should have been more undertsanding, maybe I should have allowed him to go on that trip and then take him back.I have tears in my eyes as I write this..I just am not strong enough to let him go :(((
deleted_user
deleted_user
This isn't your fault honey. You say yourself, that you wanted to leave in Septemer. Whats changed for you now that you dont want it to end? He no longer wants to be in this relationship, maybe due to his "trips" maybe not. But you gave him an ultimatum, and he didn't choose you. Stand by your initial decision, have no contact with him and get yourself some counselling. It is going to be tough, but this is a good place. There are a lot of people here with the same experience as you, and we've got through it, with the help of each other. Take your time, be kind to yourself and talk it out. Good luck x
strumphyy
strumphyy
The thing is I have begun to love him again. Little by little. At the beginning after the september thing it was tough because I couldn't get near him. I had been so dissapointed. But slowly, I became in love with him again.
I didn't love the other guy. It was all a mistake.I was just trying to get out of suffering and heartache. But the truth is I have always loved my boy friend..:(
He hated ultimatums and I knew it...I shouldn't have said that but I was pretty desperate myself..
I can't affrod counselling here and the doctors that you go for free treat you badly..Anyway, in my country, depression is misunderstood.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Im sorry. The thing with ultimatum's though is, you really shouldn't use them unless you mean it. I know thats easy to say, but if you dont carry it through, it gives him license to treat you like crap cos he knows whatever he does, its all going to be ok. Then thats when the co-dependence starts. You will lost all self respect and your every happiness will be down to him and his moods. What can I say? You will do what you want to do, but if it was me, Id cut my losses, take the pain now and move on. Im sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, ut its all Ive got. x
strumphyy
strumphyy
I think you're right. And the best thing to do as well. I'll try to convince my heart too;)) I hope not all relationships are like this. You were also right about the co-dependence.
Paradoxically, i think that's what annoyed him most. The fact that I wasn't more independent.
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