Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I'm praying that very soon my divorce will be final..I filed over a year ago and it seems like there is no end. I go to court on Tues. and would like to go with a list of things I want my lawyer to take care of. I was married for 22 years,4 children,very abusive marriage. He has been granted only supervised visitation,and only the children who want to go have to go..We have a 19,11,10 and 8 year old. Only 8 yr old goes. I have a law Guardian who has worked hard to keep my children safe and would like that none of the children are exposed to him. I was told by the law guardian that the decision has already been made by judge that I will get sole custody and after supervised visits are done, it will be up to me what access he will have in the future..assuming my daughter still wants to see him..and she already is changing her mind. He now pays child support,alimony is ordered to pay half of daycare(I go to school) and half of medical thats not covered(although he still owes me over $700)..please give advice of what was included in your decree,or what you now have come across that you wish was covered. Thanks so much!(my lawyer isnt the best,so I want to make sure I do the leg work)
1. child support/custody (I am primary, physical)
2. Who gets the house
3. Credit cards/debt that needed to be split
4. Who got which car
5. Who got the dog
6. Our son's medical insurance (my X carries him on his insurance) - and that we will each pay half for any issues our son could have
7. A clause that states it's routine for my son to travel out of state, to visit family, several times a year and I need to give my X the heads up but, essentially, he can't say no to it.
Strong suggestion that the judge issue a JUDGMENT for the over $700 medical (get the exact amount) that he owes so that you can move to collect on it. With a judgment, you can start efforts to collect on it.
Definitely state about any work required on teeth, orthodonture, etc. and how that is to be split, paid and how long the person has to pay it and to whom it is to be paid. Thank goodness I had it in the Divorce Decree because my ex was furious that my son needed all the work done and needed braces and a bridge built because permanent teeth were actually missing and some teeth came in sideways.
College should be mentioned and which party pays, when and to whom.
Custody has to be fully spelled out and what type of custody.
Any credit card debt or other debt to be paid by him try to get it in JUDGMENT so you can move to collect on it.
Provisions fully spelled as to supervised visitations, as to exactly where supervised visits are to occur, for how long, and who is to supervise. Otherwise you could get a future half drunk girlfriend supervising.
What possessions, if any, are to be still exchanged between each party and the amount of days to have that done and where.
Need to restrain from contacting employers or others?
Child support amount per week/per month payable through Court/or however.
If husband be delinquent in payments by more than twenty-five days under the terms of this Decree/order/whatever, upon application to the Court,wherever is taking the payments, proceedings for the issueance of a Wage Execution pursuant to (cite statute) may be commenced.
This decree/order/whatever may be enforced by an income execution upon the commissions, earnings, salary, wages and other current or future income received from the husband's employer or successive employers.
Both parties are ordered to notify Court/whatever/ of any change of employer or change of address within ten days of the change. Failure to provide this information shall be considered a violation of this Order
Medical insurance/dental insurance polices shall be exchanged between the parties.
The husband shall be permitted to receive medical records of childrens' treatment at his own cost.
The husband has the right to submit a child to a physician, dentist, or orthodontist of his own choice for a second opinion, at his own cost, in the case of any non-emergency medical treatment.
pay child support of XXX dollars per week/per month payable through Court/Other department.
Should husband be delinquent in payments by more than twenty five days under the terms of this order, upon application (whatever agency is handling payments), proceedings for the issuance of a Wage Execution may be commenced. (state statute)
this order may be enforced by an income execution upon the commissions, earnings, salary, wages and other current or future income received from the husband's employer or successive employers.
Parties shall exchange copies of their respective medical/dental insurance policies.
Husband at this own cost is permitted to receive medical records of childrens' treatment.
This may not fit what you need but the ex tried not paying me three times. HE was found in contempt, had to pay all the delinquent alimony he owed me, continue with my current alimony and pay my attys fees.
We both worked on the settlement agreement and it was court approved and included into the divorce decree. If it hadn't been for that non modifiable clause I wouldn't doing as well as I am now. I would have been in a real financial bind.
My husband was a violent, raging, crazy man and my attorney was a female from another county because my husband knew most of the attorneys from our county. I also didn't want him to claim I was embarrassing him in front of people he does business with. My attorney wanted to pretty well make the divorce decree/order airtight so that I wouldn't have trouble with my ex in the future. Even if you don't have trouble with your ex now--he can change and give you trouble down the line if he suddenly gets into some money or gets a girlfriend that he wants to spend the money on. It's amazing how spouses can put kids last when it comes to paying child support.
If you have any 401-k, pension funds or retirement funds that are to be distributed, I would recommend getting an order from the judge AS A PRECAUTION. It is cheaper to do it now, instead of risking going back into court to get it at a later date, plus the delay in getting the funds. Here's the D.S. link to the thread where it was all discussed:
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Breakups_Divorce/forum/17250307-401k
Also, in our county, you renew the judgment every 5 years (easy to do) and in 10 years, you may discover the person has latched onto some money or died and you can go after the money he got or go after his estate (if he has anything) after death.
I only had one come back to get the wording corrected and then it had to go back to the judge to be signed again. As soon as the plan administrator gets the QDRO the accts will be frozen and when the QDRO is approved by the plan administrator the accts. will be separated according to the QDRO.
AsTime, You had a very good atty. For every what if I had about the ex my atty. covered it. Once the ex got the new wife into the states that is when I really had trouble with him. Those what ifs my atty. took care of were the only thing that saved me financially.
I saved every penny I could from my alimony and the money I made from this farm. I knew I would have to have a year of income saved to cover the bills when the ex defaulted on my alimony....not if but when. We've been to court three times for back alimony. The second time took over year to get him into court. This last time took almost as long because we couldn't get him served. HIs new wife is high maintenance and they bought a big house in Tn and he thought he could get out of paying me.
There was even a separate paragraph restraining from going to or contacting the place of employment (because he had done both and it had to be set out specifically for the police in case he violated again).
It even sets forth that if the child requires psychiatrist, psychologist or counselor visits wherein that professional requests one or both parents appear, that the court requires them to appear.
My attorney knew my ex would be difficult and wanted to make sure the decree would include everything for the child as he had adopted the child and to make sure we were protected from him at the same time.
Have support garnished, if you can, and save the headache of trying to collect it.
Percent tagged/ portions of uncovered medical expenses, sports camps, etc.
Who covers the health insurance.
Notification within (x) amount of time should anything happen to the kids in his care.
Travel arrangements for visitation...and who's expense.
Notice needed ahead if time for visitation. Ie. (x) number of days/hours.