That is a hard one. I don't know what I would do either. I know my heart would want to take him back, but my head would not. I know that if they would leave once, they will leave again. I do not want to go through this hurt again. I think that would be the biggest factor in deciding. You will have to really think of what it is that you want and what you can deal with. I know it has to be really hard. I don't think that my ex would come back, but I would love to be able to say hit the road if he did.

I opened that door and jumped right back in 3 different times during the course of my 11 year marriage. If I had known then what I know now, I would have nailed that darn door shut the first time! No amount of love was gonna change his basic personality and several addiction problems.

Don't know what your marriage issues are but if they are related to cheating or addiction issues get the hammer and nails ready. So sorry you are going through this. ((HUGS))

If you jump back in is he going to do the same thing later? I would take steps so he cant come back. Really the choice is all yours.

hm...
It sounds like you have a pretty good plan there. Marriage counseling, continue the separation and move very slowly, making sure old issues are resolved and old patterns broken.
I would personally make ABSOLUTELY sure that he wasn't just coming back out of temporary loneliness, that will pass in time. Because that would really suck for you.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

My husband has been manipulating me every 3-4 months for the last two years. When he feels that I am getting ready to move on or when he gets tired of being "single" or when the guilt of what he did to his family gets to much for him he says he wants to come home. He never actually means it and doesn't change any part of his behavior in any measurable way. My advice is to say "no" until he can show you in some meaningful way that he really wants to come back and that he is really sorry for the pain that he has put you through. Unless he put forth some real effort, I don't think it would be in your best interest to "just open the door", as you say. Don't just let him walk in and out of your life if you can help it because if you allow it once, more than likely he will keep doing it.

Although I agree with the "take your time" attitude, sometimes I think you have to go with your heart and gut on this. I recently got my ex back...granted not married and a temporary break...but none the less I got her back and I'm taking it SLOW. The key is COMMUNICATION. Perhaps allow him back slowly, but if it happens again....well I would then take everybody elses' advise.

Counseling, counseling, counseling....he needs to go by himself and figure out why he did what he did. Then he needs to come to you as an adult and explain himself and explain how things will change, what he will do differently, what he wants the two of you to do differently, the work you two need to do together to re-establish trust....

I'd go with lots of counseling before he gets to move back in, and then only if the counseling seems to have fixed whatever is broken.
I'd want to see a clean bill of health, too. I wouldn't want to risk getting any STDs.
Ultimately, you have to be the one to decide what you're going to do, IF he comes back. And so far, you're doing great!!! You're considering all your options!!!
Good luck!!!! I hope everything works out for you!!! (((((Hugs)))))

It's funny ..years ago my ex gf left me ... i was devastated as we never really broke up for any other reason than ..what it appears she wanted her ex husband ...years later we reunited and spoke i told her that i was devastated , mean while after the breakup i changed my phone number 6 month's later i really loved this woman, she then years later told me that she tried to contact me 6 month's later in which she said she would have come back to me funny timing huh ?

it was only a ,matter of weeks that i had changed my phone number with her calling me ... my point with this as to where im going is that .. hang in there give each other time ..he may not come back to you for a bit though use this time to really know what you want , i currently am in the process of grieving over a relationship , i also am in the frame of mind not knowing whether it could happen or not again ..you are not ready to talk to this person until you know 100% percent in your heart what you want ..get on with things ..easier said than done i know !

be strong in your convictions remember trust is a huge thing , pain dies away and happy memories evolve ..i dont know why you broke up with him or him with you but i do know time is of essence ...... hang in there clear your mind be happy smile and get plenty of good sleep .

I can tell you my experience. My husband made me leave our (rented) house, saying he Loved Me but not 'that' way. And that he wasn't staying in the house. He was moving. I had heard it for months and couldn't take it anymore. I left. Moved to my son's.
I forgave my husband for this, AND for moving Her in within days of me leaving. Reason being is, it took a big weight off my shoulders. Doesn't mean I am not hurt and upset and angry. I still am.
But... I heard the same thing you are hearing. I have been married for 32 years. In fact the week he told me we had our 32 year anvsry.
Everyone from childhood friends that he'd kept in contact with, to the new friends from the past 10=12 years were shocked. Said that he was always all about 'family' and always had good things to say about me. And ALL say he will be back.
But it's been 4 months and he is still with the hoe.
I would LOVE for him to call and say he made a mistake and wanted me back. I would Run to him. Right after:
He agreed to counciling.
Said he was sorry.
And that she was dead to him. No more conact in any way.
I am still crying. Every day. And every night. I am states away from him. And have next to no money. But if he wants to try again, I say at least once..try.
But in the mean time you have to go on with your life. In my case at 50, I can't find a job. Have to be supported by our child. And am going back to school to hopefully get a job.
Everyone deserves a 2nd chance. Even though my kids say 'hell no mom. don't take him back'
don't sit around waiting. Cry by all means. But don't sit around waiting.