Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,009 Members
100,360 Posts
1 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

What the heck

Samuel2891
Samuel2891

So it seem as if everything i do for my wife.. is wrong we are seperated have been for a month and things got worse and worse but now there atarting to pick up no more mess up on my end anyway but its seem as she is pretty emotinally hurt or just hates me idk.. everything i do seem wrong and oushes her away even more.. i cant do anything wright it seems she is distint and cold and rude sorta and yes i sometimes push the subject a bit cuz she dont ever talk and i hate being in the dark to be honeat with you..  idk if she is testing me cuz i told her i wouldnt snap at her anymore or if she is veing serious i can email her and she will open up a lil better threw there and in person ahe def act totally difrent but threw txt and phone calls its like talking to someone that just hates you.. so i told her today that everything i do pushed you away and i dont want that so u come to me when ur ready.... im only going to txt her unless its about the kids or buisness we have to settle other then that nothing at all. Im still hopeing for that one last chance with tmher to make things right but not sure if i will get it or not.. so im trying to change my look around on her cuz wverything else does not seem to be working at all... ao mabey if i give her the space and back off tottally ahe will start to come around who knows i dont get her actions anymore and its really starteing to upset me im already hurt depressed and going through it all on top of that her being distint and not talking to me qhen i do talk to her makes it worse....


Is there any women out there that can relate to her actions.. ive made alot of mistakes and i know she very hurt but she distint cold and i think rude.. but in person ahe is diffrent and threw email seema diffrent. Like she can open up a lil bit with out a worry??? Can anyone relate could use some info on this very confused..

Alone
Alone
Sorry you are feeling so low. Sometimes space does help. It helps clear the mind and tone down emotions. When my alcoholic husband and I are fighting, it's easier to text or email than talk. But, be careful with the long drama filled emails. Sometimes I write them but then don't send. It helps me to state what I want to say, but it's not really necessary to send because it doesn't help anything with him. I can be "preachy" and tell him how he should be and that just doesn't work.

Have you figured out what is causing the problems in your marriage? You mention your temper. Take some time to sort through that. Work on yourself now when you are apart. It may help when you do interact with your wife.
Samuel2891
Samuel2891
Just alot in my self and my action towrds due to my ego and insecurtied i guess we had children very early in life and i guess i do alot of worring at time and inlet it get me down and i hust shut down with her over the years and didnt do my duties as hisband more of showing her affection and stupid lil fights i always seem to say juat leave then or i will leave and ill regret my decision but it seems like it has tooke it tole already on are life and relatinoship which sucks i know i need to change but the damage may be down already and there nothing i can do to fix it but i guess let her go and find her own self and better my self a look toqards a freah furture..
SugarTownDaisy
SugarTownDaisy
Sounds like what I am going through, being that I am in your wife's position. I have been acting this way towards my husband for some time and 3 days ago left our home to come live with my parents. The resentment grew over the last 5 years of dissapoinments from his drinking and nights out. Has never cheated but has left me alone many nights. I still had hope that even though I was in pain and my anger was expressing itself exactly how you describe, I am sure that if my husband cared to fight for things as it sounds you have, that I would have still left the family home but would have tried to work on something. Keep trying- she may be done but she also may just need space and to know you are willing to stand by her. I think it's only fair given that she is reacting this way because of resentment towards you from what you admit stem from your mistakes. Plus, the fact that you are admitting to it is a big step forward.
Samuel2891
Samuel2891
Yes very true. I never drank or went out with friend at all. I would always be home at night.. i dont drink at all.. but i was very selfish in my ways as well. I love my wife with all my heart and i never knew i was cuasing this much damage. She always said i was depressed and never happy and i can see how she says that looking back. I never really seemed hapoy with her... could stem alot from my childhood wacthing my father come home and not doing anything but sit on the couch. I was the only one working supporting two small children and my wife. So ya i was worried alot about bills food etc.. i was fine with me only working tho but i was fine with her working as well.. so i need to find some own demons in my self first so this will never happen again and showing affection i guess i just thought she knew i loved her which was wrong i need to show her i need to take her out etc.. so there alot of things i need to prove to her hopefully ima give her space and time let her deal with the pain she wants and let her come to me and i will go from there but she knows that im still here trying im just gunna stand back for awhile cuz nothing ekse is working.. i really love her unconditionally and im learning that if you do then u have to let go and let her figure what she wants a love her no matter what so im hopeing
SugarTownDaisy
SugarTownDaisy
I wish you the best! It sounds like it's something that can be worked out rather than an issue too deep to come back from. I am sure anyone would appreciate a text once a day or going out of your way to do something for her. Don't forget that the actual expression of your feelings towards her in your own genuine words would make her feel special. It sounds like you really love her and if your sincere in your actions, it will show and then it's up to her to receive and eventually want to do the same again.
Samuel2891
Samuel2891
Yes im trying to stay positive i really am. The morning and the nights always seem to be the hardest. I still cant sleep very good and when i do sleep i wake up with bad dream for the past week i wake up either wacthing people get ahot or shooting people cuz there trying to shoot me and they seem so real and idk why im haveing those dreams and the thought of my wife talking to other men seems to haunt me as well and over and over she tells me there no other man but i find it hard to belive her at times. But my mind just runs with thought of that i hate it i hate to admit it.. i woukd ve fine if ahe would want to work it out with me togther and i know i could change my ways for the better but when she say she need time and space.. i juat straight belive why do u need time and space. Why cant we do it togther i try to repect her i do and i know that is love trusting her but ima have to build for her to trust me and vise versa to her.. i have no idea wven if she wants to do that. But when i snap at her she settles on divore but when im calm with her she says she not in a hurry to divorce me so idk if she is just comfused on her part or what
FamilyGuy
FamilyGuy
I'm a guy but I have a woman soon to be ex, doing similar shit. It's about a paper/computer trail. U can say anything you want in person but anything written is traceable. Sounds like the relationship is over. Sorry dude, I know the pain all too well
Samuel2891
Samuel2891
Could be a paper trail as well. But seriaoly tho she not getting anything out of me im.the only one who has a job.. and over a txt msg aint really saying much unless it is on paper.. you know i can agree to this and that or she can agree to this and that. If its not on paper signed there nothing no one can do.. so idk i belive ita over in aome way but then again i dont.. maney its my own fault or mabey not.. i belive the pain i caused is makeing her really confused about me loveing her etc but im not sure tounknow
Rouik
Rouik
That's a tough call, I think you are going in the right direction though. Sometimes its not what we can say as a husband but how well we can listen and then just be there for our wives. Give her some space and take the time to work on some of the things you know caused her to leave. It sounds like you have got a strong desire to make things work, use that to stay motivated. It may take some time, but it sounds like you guys can work it out. If she is testing you to see if you have really changed, prove to her that you have. Let her see that you have been working on things while you guys were separated.
Samuel2891
Samuel2891
Your right but you know what ive got all my answers today when she stated im not her boyfriend or her husband in her eyes. so that leads to me think the worst and that exactly where im going to do. i know it may seem wrong but o well and she is rude aws heck to me and im the one that is always the one to run back to her saying sorry to her for the way she treated me. so im makeing it worst on my self and makeing her see me as not a man but as somone that will always be there for her when the grass is not greener on the other side and she need to fall on are face a lil bit to wake up that ive been trying everything to fix the problems and nothing is working to get me in and she keeps pushing me away and being rude and puting me down on every chance she gets and bringing up the past every chance she gets cuz she know it makes me upset and she gets a reaction out of me then she is justified about her treating me bad i know that is what she is doing. but look at me looking like a dang puppy dog asking her for forgiveness by her action and i did nothing wrong im not being a man and im being stomped on over and over again. i know it and i cant not do that to my self no more no more i have to stand up from my kness and stop getting kicked in the face. Cuz it is really starting to hurt and she know she can do it cuz i always run back to her... well no more no more i cant. i need to let her know im not going to stand for her action towards me anymore and she really cared about are marriage she would try to fix it and she is not cuz she dont care to fix it.. so im going to flip the script on her and she is going to lose me not the other way around and if we dont work it out great if we do ill try my best to make it work in future and change my ways but as of now i cant be little my self anymore cuz i will never get out of this mess..