Before I left my marriage, I wanted to be sure I did all I could to turn things around. We did go to therapy which did not change anything for me. Once I filed I knew I did all I could. Perhaps you have a lingering feeling not all was done that could be done. IDK your situation. It's just what came to mind when I read what you posted.

Your heart seems to be telling you something. Have you tried individual and/or marriage counseling? A counselor once told me most people who divorce regret it one year after the divorce and wish they would have worked harder on making the marriage work. Listen to your heart and mind! Being on the other side, as a divorcee, the grass is not always greener!

It took me an entire year to screw up the courage to file. I looked at the situation from every angle, read tons about divorce, about mental health issues. Tried to imagine what my life would be like as a divorced woman. I over-analyzed everything, to my detriment. I already knew that divorce was the best solution for me, but I was scared of the change, after nearly 30 years. Now, I'm so glad I did it. The grass is greener for me, for sure. It's like a tumor has been finally been removed, and the relief is so wonderful. I do not have pie-in-the-sky fantasies about what my newly single status will bring me, it's more about what I do not have in my life anymore that bring me joy.

Change is scary but if you're in a space where everything is stagnant then change is necessary.

Thank you, everyone, for the replies! My husband won't go to counseling. I asked for that a long time ago. He just won't go. And, as long as I don't talk about being unhappy and wanting a divorce, in his head, it goes away. It's not happening. I'm tired of living the fake life. Everyone thinking we're the happy, perfect couple. Simply not true. I want love. I want a person to do things with. I know he's not happy, but, he settles, and thinks this is the way it is after so many years of marriage. Maybe it is, but, I want different. I want happiness again.....I just have to make myself go sign......

You wrote: I want love. I want a person to do things with......

Just go into it with eyes wide open, because it is possible you will not find someone to fit that space. Happiness is an inside job. There are tons of divorced people out there searching for "the one" who just doesn't exist. I believe if you are not happy alone, you won't be happy in a relationship. I hope you are in counseling for yourself, so you avoid relationship hopping, should you divorce. Again, it's possible you won't find someone to fill all those needs you believe you have and you need to be okay with that. Otherwise you end up being worse off. (((HUGS)))

My ex was ok with settling for a dead, no intimacy marriage. He wanted things to stay exactly as they were, with me sleeping in the office as I had every day for the past 7 or 8 years. To me, it was a slow death, and just before I went under, I decided I was no longer going to stick it out.

Marriage counseling, which he jokingly attended, was very revealing for me, it gave me much needed clarity about the status of the marriage. I don't know what it did for him, if anything. I would strongly suggest counseling for yourself. You don't need to see someone for months and months or years, you might gain the insight you need sooner.

Thank you! I'm not only wanting a person, wanting love, I'm wanting happiness also. I am not happy, haven't been for years. I just have to find the courage to go sign those papers. I honestly believe that once I'm free of him, I will be happy. I'm not looking to jump right into another relationship. I want me time. Time to figure everything out for myself. Thank you all for the input, I just gotta find a way to get there because as mentioned in a comment about, this is a slow death. I can't just sit back and let it take me.

Do you have a therapist to help Guide you
and talk it out? I love mine and still go as
Needed. HUGS

"Happiness is an inside job." I agree.

I don't know if your stbx is causing your unhappiness. I assume so since you want out.

I have seen people cause their own unhappiness. I've done it myself too. If you set your expectations too high you'll never be happy. I try to stop and look around for things to be grateful for. I try not to wish for things I can't have.

It's okay to have second thoughts about signing. If you're not sure, don't sign. You really can't unring that bell.

"Happiness is an inside job." I agree.

I don't know if your stbx is causing your unhappiness. I assume so since you want out.

I have seen people cause their own unhappiness. I've done it myself too. If you set your expectations too high you'll never be happy. I try to stop and look around for things to be grateful for. I try not to wish for things I can't have.

It's okay to have second thoughts about signing. If you're not sure, don't sign. You really can't unring that bell.