Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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drowningindayton 07/18/2015

In the middle of a painful divorce as the dumpee. From the time she said she was unhappy, through half hearted counseling on her part and then through the 2 month separation before she said that she wanted a divorce, she kept asking for time and space. It was cold and heartless. It was as close to no contact as possible except that we had to communicate because of the kids. For those of you who are the dumpers out there, why the reason for minimal contact? Like most dumpers, I did everything to try to work on my marriage but she put up this emotional wall and kept pushing me away. Was it because she had already made up her mind and that she didn't want me around to try and change her mind in any way? I asked her and she says "that's just how it works...read about it." I still don't know why she made up her mind and didn't allow us to sit down and both work on our marriage together.

refurb 07/18/2015

sorry, to me the dumper blames the dumpee, the wall makes it easier for the dumper to believe the reason for their anger is justified

kbbcoop77 07/18/2015

No contact is a tool for the person dumped to heal. Forget her reasoning for it that's not relevant. It's for the one in pain to get acclimated to the separation and detaching. And believe me it's the only way to go. As the dumper, her reasons are strictly selfish and if she cuts you off its better for you in the long run. Dumpers that call and want to be friends are the ones that keep you stuck.

stillbitterjaded 07/18/2015

It allows both parties the ability to focus on themselves. Instead of being the support system for the other, they can each take this time to have clear thoughts without influence.

NC is a definite necessity to those who aren't the willing participant. It helps cut the ties and dependency on the other. SOMETIMES it allows people to realize that they do want to be with the other person again, they've just had the time to regain their sense of self.

Aries1958 07/19/2015

I agree with refurb.

overwhelmednc 07/19/2015

So sorry you are here. I don't know your whole situation. I can only give you my story. If we separate, I will be the dumper. My reasons are probably different that your wife's, from what it sounds like in your post. I will be leaving because of his affair, his drug use, porn addiction, and lies. No contact will be EXCEEDINGLY DIFFICULT for me, but I know that it is something that I will have to enforce. Why?Because he is expert at manipulation and creating guilt in me. I am codependent, so I tend to accept responsibility for things that are not in my control. This is my reason for having NC. But, if she has an attorney or has consulted one, I believe they suggest NC unless absolutely necessary (child custody exchange, etc.). I guess this is to give people time to get used to being apart...and to make a cleaner divorce process, legally speaking. I am so sorry for your heartache. Please take care of yourself and use this time to sort through what you want out of the life you now have/will have. (((hugs)))

neverceases 07/19/2015

The ex in my life had an affair in 2010. We stayed together but ultimately I decided to leave the marriage after close to 27 years because I knew I could never trust him again and I lost any love I had felt for him. Technically you could say that I was the dumper. I would argue that the ex dumped me in 2010 and didn't have the balls to end the relationship because I lobbed the ball in his court.

As both the dumper and the dumpee, it was my choice to go no contact shortly after we had our day in court. He was still trying to use me, still hurting me whenever he got the chance so for my own sanity I made that choice. I had to get to the point where I didn't look to share all the moments of my life with him anymore which was a pretty tough habit to break.

I haven't spoken to him in a well over a year (our children are both adults). I actually have blocked him from any form of contact except email. Since he has a horrible time writing, I know that keeping him to that only form of communication keeps his contact with me to a total minimum. In the last year there has only been about 5 emails total-all about the kids or loose ends from the divorce.

He's in the rear view mirror now and no contact has made it much easier for me. That's my perspective.

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