Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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ElenaD 01/21/2017

It has been about 3 weeks since my stbx let me know he wants a divorce. Today it was my birthday and we spent the day together. Brought me flowers and a gift. Kissed me friendly on the forehead. That was so painful. I cried a lot today. A day full of regrets and pain again. Have you ever wondered "what if?" What if I didn't do that or what if Did that.....would it change anything? Is it really my fault? I just want to dig a hole and stay in it forever.

SBC1238 01/21/2017

Well yes I have been through that a million times, and the past is the past and unfortunately cannot be changed. If it could I would have done a million things differently. But now is now, and I have to move on. Regardless happy birthday! Let today be a day, he spent the time with you and that says something. HUGS

cargal16 01/21/2017

1st of all, Happy Birthday! I know this isn't what you consider a happy one, but I just wanted to show you some love when you think everything is falling apart. I've replayed in my head a 1000s of times on what I could've done differently. The thing is, I think my situation would still be the same even if I had of done things different.

ElenaD 01/21/2017

Thank you for the wishes and thank you for the kind words. Yes I should be happy and thankful for many other things and make somehow this day to be a nice memory. I should let the pain and the tears for the next days to come, but I cannot help it.

SBC1238 01/21/2017

Me too. I second that cargal. I don't know that I could have changed my exs mind. He gave up on us, I didn't. I think his mind was made up long ago. As sad as that is, it is true.

bluelab97 01/21/2017

Happy Birthday, ElenaD :) there are days that I think about the "what if's" but then I look at how far I have come and think about what my future looks like. Like Cargal16 says, there are times I think I could have done things differently but like her, I dont know if it would have mattered. Sending lots of hugs your way on your day :)

Newbeginnings4me 01/21/2017

I have been there... Cried and did the what ifs. But I realize even if I was Mother Theresa he would still have found fault with me..
You will be stronger then ever. I promise you

daydczzz 01/21/2017

Been there. I ask myself what did I do wrong? I always contemplate if I am a bad person. It's painful and you will get through it.

Koko 01/21/2017

Happy birthday! Like everyone said there's nothing you could or should have done

onedayatatimeforme 01/21/2017

Happy belated birthday , I can't speak for others on the "what if" although I am sure we all asked or ask that often. It is so much easier to sew things up and try to work it out than to end it and move on when moving on is a question of where, when, how. It sounds as if your stbx/partner is either playing with your emotions for you to take him back or cause more pain or he is having doubts himself but never ever blame yourself for something that had taken place for a reason. Keep in mind that if and I say if you were to get back together and it happens again then you are not only back where you are now but steps further behind in healing . For him to say he wants a divorce is reason enough that he no longer wants to be in the relationship but now perhaps he is finding the grass is not as green on the other side after all. You have to do what is right for you , This is not your fault , this is not your doing , this is not for you to fix. You are to fix you and that is all. Good luck and hugs

ElenaD 01/22/2017

Anger is part of the grief, yes. I was angy at times, as I am sure there will be more anger moments. I hope I won't do anything irrational. The woman my husband will be seing soon is getting a divorce as well. I had a thought of contacting her husband,just to share our grief, but I am not sure it is such a good ideea.
My husband did not came to me on my birthday with an olive branch. He doesn't want back our relationship, at least not at the moment. He is definately looking forward. I am the one clinging for our past.
Thank you all for the birthday wishes and the good thoughts! Hugs back!

ripped_my_heartout 01/22/2017

I have spend many days dealing with the "what ifs". I alway wonder if I could have changed anything to make it work, to get her not to cheat. After going to therapy I realize that I can not dwell on the what ifs. Nothing I could have done would change the path she was on. Her affair was not my fault. Still hard for me not to think about but I just try to stay busy.
Sorry you have to experience the pain a lot of us on here are experiencing. It is tough. Stay strong, my thoughts are with you. And Happy Birthday.
-HUGS-

ElenaD 01/22/2017

Thank you all, my friends! I guess this was inevitable. I have tried to ask him the same questions and he said that it would have come to this point one way on another, weather he met this woman or not. But I still tend not to believe it. Why would you give up your marriage if you say you love your wife. Just to be on your own waiting for love to find you at 40 years old? I don't believe that.

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