I'm sorry for your pain and I have been there and believed the same things you believe. While all those things are true, especially in the beginning, there are more positive things that can and do come out of breakups of any kind with time and inner work.

After being out several years and having done 6 yrs of grieving, deep introspection and inner work, I have found that my life is what I make it. Even in all of the hurt.

I would like to offer my current perspective on your list.

* When we trust our inner knowing, we don't have to worry so much about trusting others because we will know who is trustable and who isn't (i.e. we listen to our intuition/gut)

* All we have is the now. When we focus on forever, we tend to miss the present moments. It helps a lot to focus on the moment and find at least one thing for which we choose to be grateful.

* What we think about expands, so if we decide something is worse, it is. As Charles Swindoll says, "...life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes.

* We all lie in some way or another, even if its just to ourselves. I was married to a pathological liar and was quite certain that I was nothing like him. Turns out I was lying to myself because I chose to believe the liar's lies. We always have a choice.

* Love isn't blind, we are. Many times we close our eyes so we don't see the red flags. If we love ourselves first and listen to our inner knowing, and we practice unconditional love as best we can,

* Anything can happen to us and it will. But, its not what happens, it's how we choose to see and handle it and what we ultimately do after. We can choose to turn things around in time.

* If we are only open to what we imagine the future to be, we will miss out on all that the future has to offer. I never thought I would say this, but getting divorced after over 35 yrs of marriage was the best decision I ever made. I never imagined being single in my 'golden years,' but here I am and I am so grateful. I am free to do what I want, when I want and I have more friends than I ever did when I was married. My life went in a direction I would never have imagined and I am so grateful that I opened myself up to more possibilities.

* Love is the most powerful ACTION VERB there is. It's not a feeling. It's a choice and a behavior and it starts with self-love, self-care, self-acceptance and self-compassion.

~healing hugs~

MyTrueColors: great post. Thank you for sharing.

Great post, I'm sorry Nomore that you are in pain and I hope you can start the healing process. I am finally on the healing side of my broken heart. It took me a long time (close to 2 years) to get here but I slowly and painfully made it, you will too.

I have learned many things along this journey and I'd like to share two quotes of affirmations that I've collected along the way:

Ive learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. Ive learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, youll miss them when theyre gone from your life. Ive learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. Ive learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. Ive learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. Ive learned that even when I have pains, I dont have to be one. Ive learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. Ive learned that I still have a lot to learn. Ive learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou

If Ive learned anything from life, its that sometimes, the darkest times can bring us to the brightest places. Ive learned that the most toxic people can teach us the most important lessons; that our most painful struggles can grant us the most necessary growth; and that the most heartbreaking losses of friendship and love can make room for the most wonderful people. Ive learned that no matter how difficult things seem, there is always hope. And Ive learned that no matter how powerless we feel or how horrible things seem, we cant give up. We have to keep going. Even when its scary, even when all of our strength seems gone, we have to keep picking ourselves back up and moving forward, because whatever were battling in the moment, it will pass, and we will make it through. Weve made it this far. We can make it through whatever comes next.
-Daniell Keopke

And here's just me: what I've learned is that life is hard, not fair and can change in a heart beat so I am trying to live in present moment instead of in the past, once I made that mental change in my head I was able to move forward a little easier and it has made my future not quite so scary. I will live the life that is given........

Hugs and hang in there

Thanks for the posts guys. It helps.

Every day gets a little easier , then i slide backward and have to work my way back.

2 steps forward one step back

I absolutely love each and every one of your posts MTC.
You are always spot on!
I hope you will always share your thoughts and feelings!!!!!!!!
You always make me stop and think!!!!!!

I know how you're feeling...it will get better, it really will.