Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Anonymous112211 05/10/2017

So, the wife was served papers yesterday. What happens next? Does she have to do anything, such as respond? She asked for $ for a lawyer which I am transferring to provide to her tomorrow. I suspect she needs to do something, but I have no clue.

If she has to respond, what are her options? Agree to the terms, propose alternate terms, or fight me? I have asked for what I think is fair for now. I continue to pay the Mortgage, Gas, Electric, and Water bills while paying for rent and the utilites at the apartment. I have requested that she can not change the locks on our house. That I have access to it (I will respect her privacy, but she can not prevent my access to the property) including the garage. We agree to pay our own debts that are racked up now. We must agree to sell any asset. Neither are prevented from using our third vehicle or our boat (not that I can afford to use either). I also requested joint custody of our kids, and requested a court enforcable schedule.

I wanted to protect us both from each other. I am trying to be rational, and caring during an emotionally charged, stressfull and hurtful situation. Any other recommendations to make this better for her? I do love and care for her, but she is done with me. So now it is time to figure out how to go about this as kindly as possible.

Thoughts?

ripped_my_heartout 05/10/2017

Do not get blinded by love and care for her. You are getting divorced. You will lose everything and will care later on down the road.

Do not dwell on the past during this. Keep your emotions at home. Treat this like a business deal because that is what it is. Get the best and the most fair deal possible.
If not, she will take you to the cleaners, you'll be left with nothing. And DO NOT pay for her lawyer. You are already off to a bad start. Make it better for YOU, not her.
Good luck. I wish you well.

Ghostdancer 05/10/2017

What does your attorney say? Yes most likely she will retain counsel as well so any and all of the above apply. Whatever you've asked for will be scrutinized by her counsel and most likely a counter offer on settlement will be offered so it's settle out of court at a lower attorney fee for either of you or be put on the courts calendar for a divorce trial. I don't know the laws in your state but most likely you will be responsible to maintain payment on most bills while the divorce is in process and potentially spousal support even before the divorce trial. Laws are different state to state on divorce so retain a good attorney and take the battle as it comes. Best luck to both of you and nope it's not an easy or wanted event so keep yourself protected.

kbbcoop77 05/10/2017

Make it better for her? You're way past that. You need to yank the rose colored glasses of and think of your future only, not hers. Let her figure out her own attorney..

AAABJ 05/10/2017

In our state I believe they give the defendant 20 days to respond. If she does not respond, I believe what ever you have in your paper work will be the final judgement. If she responds, then the whole process is going to take 10 times longer. Especially if an attorney is retained on her end. I tend to agree a little with ripped_ my_heartout. I know you are hurting but you do need to look out for yourself at this point. Try to make sure everything possible is divided up. Down the road it may be difficult for the two of you to "share" certain things. Especially once one of you moves on with someone else. I understand you not wanting to hurt her and to try to make everything fair, but she may not try to make sure things are fair down the road. This process can be a difficult one. Hang in there.

mirandac 05/10/2017

I am the odd duck, we both paid for lawyers out of joint
Funds. He had wanted to do it ourselves and i said forget
It. I did not trust him and i stayed at the house and he moved
Over To his mothers. He had his business on the property
So we still co shared everything until the divorce and decree
Then i moved out.

Many do not do it that way, they separate their money out
And figure out the bills. It would be tough if there are two
separate Households pre divorce. We had a business too,
HUGS

Anonymous112211 05/10/2017

Thank you for all of the advice. Usually I am the pessimist, but for some odd reason I am still holding onto hope that we can figure this out.

Legally the way I requested the divorce, we are not to hide assets. I have been the one paying the majority of the bills, and since we have two young daughters, I will ensure they have a roof over their head. I would prefer them with me under my roof, but as long as they are taken care of, and has a loving parent with them, I will relent.

I may not have been the perfect husband, but I can do this right. I know a lot of you are hurting, and once the relationship becomes vindictive it becomes a battle for every little thing. I am hoping to keep it amicable.

I keep my parents divorce close at heart, and refuse to get down right nasty. It has left a hole in me, and I still hurt from it. My STBX said something that rings true with me, "we may no longer be together, but we will always be family till the day we die through the children we created". Wise words. Ones I keep thinking of now. And ones that are driving me at my core.

Tranquility 05/10/2017

Every state is very different on their divorce laws. If you have an attorney, they could tell you all of this. If not, often you can get a divorce packet at a court house in some states which gives you all the information to complete for a divorce.

If there are children involved, please be civil. It will be hard at times, but when both parents are at each other, it only makes it so much harder for the children as well. In some states they have a mediation process that can help solve all these issues without going into a full blown out course case.

Personally, I think you were more than nice to give her money for an attorney. I don't know of anyone honestly that helped pay for their soon to be ex's attorney fees. Her attorney will not be so giving toward you. They will try to take what they can most times.

Best wishes to you and the children during this difficult time. I have went through this more than once and it is never easy, but it can be civil if both can agree, if not it will get ugly very quickly.

Anonymous112211 05/12/2017

Thanks Everyone for responding...

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