Love yourself with all that love. You can't truly know what's in his head and that he's moved on so easily. And that type of thinking takes the focus off of what you are thinking. Get back in touch with yourself. As yourself what it is that you still love about him, and be honest. Think of all the bad things he's done and then ask yourself again what it is you love about him. Is it that you still love him, or the idea of the life you 2 were supposed to have together? For me, I loved something that wasn't real. I didn't have a happy little family life. I tried to make the best of it, but it wasn't great. It can't be when only 1 person is putting in the work and effort. So that's what I mourned: the loss of what I wanted and tried to make of our life together. I know I don't love him, just the idea of what he was supposed to be.

Honey, I know! I am 17 months post departure and sometimes the pain is like it happened yesterday. It does get better.
I find the heartbreak is worse when I am stressed about things.
Hope you feel better soon.

i think i just inverted all of that love, and now its just hate and enmity.

Falling out of live is hard to do. I'm the first to admit that even now, my heart does backflips every once in a while when I see her. For me, the love I feel for my STBX wife is as real as the pain and emptiness from the loss. Why should I supress that? Its part of how I feel about her and I needed to deal with it, not bury it. Thats something I continue to work through even now. Good luck.

Keep in mind that it's better to be working through it all and being on your own, then being unhappy and miserable living with him.

Amen.

Ah, but I don't think I was unhappy and miserable when i was with him. I don't know. My therapist says she feels that I seem better now than when I was with him. Cheryt, he has moved on. He had moved on before he even let me know he was unhappy. They are engaged and she will be moving here in a few months. I know that every other area of my life seems to be better than it's ever been--except for that huge hole. Honestly, I'm not sure if I'm having these feelings because of lonliness or what. They have popped up all of a sudden. Plus, we are doing the "no contact" thing now, so maybe it's that. My father died in early January after being in a nursing home for 3 years, so now I don't have him to take care of either. Maybe that has something to do with it too. I don't know. All I know is all of a sudden, I feel like I'm floundering where I used to at least be dog paddling.

I am in the same boat. She has moved on and before we have even physically separated. (and this is a new OM) What do I do with the love? I think Cheryt said it. Love yourself. I don't think I will ever forget all the good times. I don't think I will forget all the heartache but if I turn that love I have for her to myself, the healing has to come a little easier. I don't think its bad to love our ex's or its bad that we cannot turn our emotions off like a switch but from now on, I come first. Now I need to take care of me. I took care of her for a very long time and it seems as if none of it mattered. Painful. However, none of that needs to matter anymore. How I feel and what I do for myself matters...you are a good person jaclyn and I hope this helps even though I still feel a little lost. Hugs

I tried to figure out what to do with the love too
wished so often that I could have it erased from memory
or scrubbed right out of my heart
and in the end I had to just learn to accept it
and over time I noticed the feeling would come on strong like a wave, and I'd take notice but not "feel" anything about it (no self-admonishment, or frustration or panic or heartache) and it would just drift out again like a quick tide

its been 6 years and it still happens but hardly ever, and fleeting and faint
so I guess not freaking out about it, but being patient and relaxed helps, while time does all the rest

this is the price we pay for falling in love

its not a shallow emotion

people who leave generally leave to find a new parent with something new to learn from. if or when they are ready to give more than receive, they stay with that one for the duration.

so, after they leave, we focus our love toward those who still remain.

You can't switch off the love..but you can divert it -- you can love the good memories you have of him..but it also mean you have to let go... and divert more of the love to yourself..to other things...

I can relate with you a lot..because I had troubles letting go as well...I realized that we don't necessarily stop loving people regardless of how much they've hurt us..we just love them differently..like how much we love everything and everyone we no longer have and just existed in the past --

What we have is now... and all we have is ourselves to love some more... and the possibilities of new things coming to our life, now that someone who had burdened us is no longer there...what we love are the good side of people...but if their bad side starts to suck the life out of us..then we have to show tough love...

we don't stop loving, after all, we're human. Be strong and just cry it out. You are loved..and look around, divert that love to those who can return it unconditionally :)

All the best to you!
-soul

I think you just have to feel the pain, and then let it go. It does come in waves, and usually gets back when something happens to remind us of them. Have a good cry, then let it go.

Thanks, guys. That all helps. Feeling a little better today. I've been very weepy and shaky the last few weeks. The hardest part is yet to come. She will be moving here in a few months. This being a small town I am bound to run in to them. I dread it so. But one of my favorite mantras is "Can I do anything about that at this very moment?" I can't so i need to leave it alone. It will be hell, but all I have to do is get through it when it happens. So very tired of all this. so glad we didn't have a child together. There is one last string tying us together. Once that is cut, there will be no need to have any contact. Thanks all.