I know what you mean. It's unbelievable how they just seem to change over night and blindside us with their betrayal. It's difficult to let go and move forward, but just take it one breath at a time. You are stronger than you think. Hugs.

The funny thing is, HE seems completley oblivious to the pain he has caused myself and our kids. It is all about him, his needs and wants, and what is best for him. Never mind what we need and want. You would think that just saying that will make me hate him, and the closure would be so much easier. But it is not.... I can't seem to let him go...

What you do next is start making a new plan for yourself. Start envisioning your new life without him and happy.

You are still so fresh in the accepting part. Everything you are feeling is totally normal part of the process. I could have definitely written your post pretty much word for word last month. I was totally there unable to understand how someone can so easily turn his back and leave something that was his world for so many years. Leave his family and have a life that no longer included us all together again. It was really really tough to accept. But, the fact of the matter is, the sooner you accept that you can and will have a good if not better life after all of this pain, the less the feeling of loss will be.

One thing that helped me while I was in that stage was to try to make some plans for myself and my daughter about the future. I looked into setting myself up with some more classes to get my teaching license renewed. I looked into schools for my daughter. I wrote out the budget and figured out how I was going to do everything by myself. I worked on the house and got tons of stuff done that I had been waiting on him to do. I cleaned the crap out of my house. It's never been so clean around here. I got rid of every single thing that reminded me of him. I changed our space in our house so it was more ours and didn't constantly remind me of him. It was all very therapeutic.

I watched the entire series of sex and the city and at some good ice cream (so cliche but it helped!).

You will feel better soon. Just keep hanging in there.

Last weekend I got rid of everything that reminded me of him. Every picture, every memory I had of the 2 of us. I have a great support team around me, but the tears conitnue to flow even as I wright this. I have planned a trip with my kids in October, so that I am looking forward to. I know things will get better, but until they do, I am a emotional mess. I can't afford to loose my job, but I can't seem to focus on what I have to do today at work.

Let me make sure I follow - weren't you and him separated for three years before he met someone? I am not trying to imply that you shouldn't be devastated but that wasn't just someone flipping a switch - a three year separation is a sign that the chances of reconciliation were getting weaker and chances of meeting someone new greater.

It's possible that he wasn't upfront w/you and maybe even sent mix signals but I think at this point maybe you have to be realistic and look at YOU and how you been dealing with things? I am not sure, but discuss in therapy all this w/your counselor to see what he/she suggests.

Look at it this way - you already wasted 3 years hoping someone that was gone would come back - how many more years do you want to waste getting over this?

I am sorry - I know you are hurting - but life is more than a man, ex, spouse, etc. You won't get your years back. He's living that's for sure.

Hope you find peace and motivation soon.

That is so true....I have wasted many years wanting him to come home. Words of truth

What do you do next? Take control of your life.

He has moved on and you should too. You can't change him. He is no longer your "best friend" and I am pretty sure he would not refer to you as such. And how can someone be "your whole world" when they have moved on with someone else.

I'm truly sorry you are going through this, I was once where you are and all I can say is that you have to love yourself first and take back your life! You can get through this...you can be happy again...but you have to be strong and put forth the effort to change your life!

Oh and in the future...don't make another man your entire life...you can love someone and still have a sense of self too!

Hugs to you!

Your words are so true.... I have to finally look out for me, and move on. I have been trying, and will continue to do so. Over the years I have lost my own identity, and I know that played a role in the failing of the marraige. H ewants to remain friends, right now, I can't. I am civil for the kids but no small talk. In time, I will learn from all this.......

I feel so sorry for you... I had the same situation like yours 2 years ago. Everywhere I go, everything I do, even the food remind me of him. He was always in my mind. It takes time. The first couple of month, I always wanted to call him. It took me 2 years, then I control myself. I noticed I don't even call him to share my happiness or sadness anymore. A man who betrayed his family is not worth for you to waist time with. For me, I feel that he didn't deserve to have a good woman like me. Stay strong! Hugs

Thank you.... That's where I'm at right now. Even though I have admitted my mistakes, he never did. And if he can walk away from his family... Then he can., he does not deserve me. I gave it my all, and it was not enough... Thank you for the motivation

wow everything you wrote above is exactly the same questions that keep ringing through my head almost exact. how can they just not care about family...children etc for some new fling? it makes no sense to me...at all.

Makes no sense tho me either. But I have realized I can't change him, and whatever he is going throgh is on him to work out. All we can do is focus on us, and our kids, and take one day at a time... Best wishes to you

Do not waste another second d of your life on someone who doesn't love you. You deserve happiness. We all do. Find something special you can do for yourself and keep putting yourself first.

Plan A didnt work.and a lot of emotional energy and time wad invested in it. Time for a new plan. So now have fun with Plan b, or plan c.
start planning and just get stuck in. The new plans don't have to be perfect to start implementing them. Good luck.