ive been in this situation 3 years ago.. & i guess I still can't move on. Maybe becaus i dont have the will to do it or simply because i was not strong enough to move on or worst I dont wanna move on!

try harder to move on.. its not easy, long journey but at least give your best shot! dont be like me. :(

Good luck! prayers are with u

The question for you right now, is not what would happen if he wanted you back...

The question is what do you want out of your life (knowing that he will not be a part of it) and how are you going to get it?

You have the opportunity to begin again.
Don't waste it.
(hugs)

Wow! I was only with my guy for a little under a year but I am going through the same thing right now. We moved in together due to distance issues and everything was going fine and he suddenly said that he had never lived alone with his son. He had always been married or living with family (he lived with his sister before we moved in together) and he wanted to live alone and have time to figure things out and he was not happy. He had always seemed happy so this was a total shock. He had talked about and mentioned a mid life crisis type thing and I asked him about that and he did not get mad or answer me really but the fact it did not anger him I think he knows that may be what it is. I mean I could go on and on but you get my point. We still talk and he stops be to see me, texts me, etc but we are just taking time.

My advice to you is to just concentrate on yourself for now. I just read a great book called "He's Gone....You're Back" and I highly recommend it. There are a lot of good suggestions in it for one on doin things for yourself. I is hard believe me and I have good days and bad. I try to stay active in fitness groups, friends, hobbies, etc. I have no control over him only myself. I see it this way in that he may decide he wants me back and I may not want him you just never know. I don't know if either of our guys is having a mid life crisis but there is such thing so it is possible...hugs!

Its a cold response, but I'm going to say it anyway - the things you want right now are not possible. You want to not feel bad because he deceived you into thinking he was still into the relationship - but you will feel bad about that (its not your fault, but its hurtfull). You want to hear that there is a chance left with him - but if he has felt like this for months, then I don't see him suddenly falling back in love. Feel sad, you've earned it, but also take comfort in the fact that you're still young, that it was 4 years, not 20, and that you'll be a stronger person for your next relationship - because you are going to take people's advice here and focus on yourself now. All the best - you will be OK after the sadness is done (which will take time).

@ confused15, so sorry to hear you are still feeling this pain after years of trying to get over him - its just not easy and I take comfort in knowing that we are not alone in that pain. Keep your head held high xx

@ saracooks - fantastic advice and it really made me question what i want from my life. I'm 22 and this is going to be a real turning point in my life no matter what happens and it allowed me to take off those rose tinted glasses and remember the problems we had in our relationship. thank you :)

@ dyldylsmom, its just so hard to understand, why they would rather be alone than be in a relationship that we assumed they were happy or at the very least comfortable in! i do believe men just arent as aware as women in some cases, and really dont know what they want. Although, i tell myself he seemed to know what he didnt want - me. Please keep your head held high - its his loss xx

@ kevin, thank you, sometimes tough love is what is needed and you are right, i dont believe he will fall back in love with me either, although I often wish it would happen. My problem is that in the future, I know I will have problems trusting someone as my ex lied to me for so long, and I was completely oblivious.

You did nothing wrong. It just didn't work out. None of us is perfect, and when a relationship is working or valued by both parties, both parties are willing to forgive and do the hard work. he wasn't willing to do that. You should count yourself as lucky that you found out now. You have to decide that he was not good enough for you, because you deserve someone who will never leave you, who will keep you emotionally safe and appreciate all your wonderful qualities, cherish you, and long to be with you everyday of his life, even when he is upset with you. You are young. There are many love experiences in your future. The sooner you can heal yourself, the sooner you can begin a new journey to find someone good enough for you. I am sorry you are hurting. You WILL get better. I promise.

Jackie,

I had that wondering if you will be able to trust again feeling. But what I have done with those thoughts is put them in the back of my mind. I will not punish someone else for what my ex did to me.
And, I certainly am nowhere near ready to date again. Right now its important to focus on yourself, and healing. Whatever it takes.
*hugs*

I think you HAVE to trust again. *insert person here* is not going to be your ex. They may have traits of, but they are a completely different human being.

Angie, yea I have had that feeling too but yea you cannot punish one for another's issues. I have always lived but love as though you have never been hurt. At the point I am now though I am focusing on myself. I was doing that when I met this guy. I had no intentions of dating and he just came out of the blue and we clicked. Things will either work themselves out with him or I will be alone. I have decided this for myself and my son. I may date again some day I am sure but that will be when my son gets older. He will be 13 in November. I just cannot put myself or him through another anything like this. He was close to my ex and mostly my ex 16-year-old son. My son has a brother two years older that he has not seen in about 4 years so that bond was important to him. Do not get me wrong since my guy and I still see each other his son knows he is welcome here and he is busy with football and a job but he did come over here for a few hours when my son was here to hang out and play video games with him so that was nice. I am working hard on myself and working a lot. I just took on a third job so I can save up money for things we want and to go see my dad who lives in Vegas. You see last year the man who raised me my stepdad died of cancer and then in October my bio dad states away (I live in Southern OK and then lived in North Texas) had a heart attack and then quadruple bypass. He also has diabetes and his heels are awful and me may end up with his feet amputated. They were going to graft them but he was having shortness of breath so they are seeing about that first. I have not seen him in 4 years and my son wants to see him too. We went in 2008 so my son could meet him and before that it had been 10 years since 1998 when he moved there since I had seen him. We had an on and off again relationship but now I try to stay in touch with him. He is my dad and my son's grandpa and last year not only did my son lose Papa Randy but he lost a great grandpa on his dad's side. Anyway, anyone of us going through any situation like this is to focus on ourselves. I have read this in every article and book I have seen. Again I highly recommend that book I stated. It is good for people who have ever gone through a breakup history even if not currently going through one. An excellent purchase for me!