Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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lorenzo19 10/01/2017

I really need some advice. My girlfriend of almost 3 years and I broke up roughly 2 months ago due to emotional cheating on my part, which I am totally disgusted with myself for betraying her like that. During our last conversation we both acknowledged that there were things we both needed to work on that we couldn’t seem to resolve as a couple, which I have been diligently addressing with my individual therapist since the breakup with very positive, eye-opening results. When I asked if I could reach out to her at some point and if so when, her response was “I don’t know, maybe around December or January?”. Honestly, it sounded like that time frame was bit arbitrary. My question is, now that it has been about two months since we last spoke should I reach out to her to simply check on her? If not, do you think reaching out to her best friend to check on her is advisable? Thanks in advance for your thoughts!

Cora_Belle 10/01/2017

You asked her the question, now abide by her answer. If you are attempting to earn her trust again, take her word and abide by it. Nothing says "I disrespect you" like "I know you said wait until December or January, but I want contact NOW." And going around her back to her best friend is just as disrespectful and in all truth, asshole-ish.

PS. and even if the date is arbitrary, that is her decision. Your cheating caused the break-up. You don't get to call the shots, she does.

lorenzo19 10/01/2017

Thank you Cora_Belle. I really appreciate the candid feedback.

Cora_Belle 10/01/2017

If it's any consolation, years ago, I did something that hurt my then BF and broke his trust in me. We broke up rather abruptly and I had so many questions I wanted to ask. I was told by a mutual friend "if he wants to get together, YOU will be the first person he will tell". So I gave him space, worked on myself and my issues. We ran into each other (quite unexpectedly) some weeks later, talked and he decided he would give it another go. We were engaged 2 months later and have been married now for years.

I took him on his word and honored his wishes. I believe that in part showed him who I was and that I was worthy of his love.

lorenzo19 10/01/2017

Thank you for sharing that. I will honor her wishes and not reach out before the time we discussed. I was struggling with contacting her earlier to show that I care and was serious about working on myself and my issues, but thanks to your feedback I now know that the best way to show that I care and respect her is to wait until December. I appreciate your perspective.

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